Brooklyn

On Friday Brooklyn turned one and I have been trying to get technologically creative to put something awesome together to document her first year of life. I may still get the hang of it, but my talents lie more with actual paper and actual photos, so I'm afraid I would have had to have started her birthday slideshow the day she was born in order for it to be done. While not technologically advanced, I wanted to document something for her first birthday and we do have some really cute pictures of her party. My mommy brain seriously kicked in though and I didn't get a good shot of her eating her cake, (which she devoured in miliseconds), or of the cake itself before we cut into it. But it was another 3D bear, in keeping with family tradition.

Brooklyn has really startled me over the last month. It seemed that she thought Isabella was the best reality show ever and could watch her every minute of every day not needing to do anything to compete. In the last 30 days she has learned the actions to a few songs we regularly sing, learned to blow whistles, get to standing from sitting on the floor, initiate playing peek-a-boo, she laughs so heartily and this afternoon she even took her first steps! It's amazing to me how much she has learned in such a short span of time, not only over the last year but even in just the past few weeks. I worry so much about her missing out on being 'babyed' since the new baby will be so close in age to her, but time and time again she has proven her strength- both physical and mental. I know she'll shine in a middle sibling role.

For her birthday we went to Andrews Scenic Acres with some friends. When we made the plans it was significantly warmer than when we went, but our friends stuck it out with us and I think had a pleasant time. Then we came back to our house for pizza and cake, some hanging out and once the kids were in bed the girls managed to kick butt at some Wii.





Thanks so everyone who came out for the party. Even though it was cold, and it's hard to keep little ones entertained in the evening. Thanks to everyone for giving of your time to come hang out and celebrate Brooklyn, we greatly appreciate it.

Cyclical

Well I would like to say thank you very much to everyone who left me a positive note after my last post. I didn't really do any blogging over the weekend trying to decide what to do about mrcds and the comments that are being left that I don't desire to pollute the blogosphere with. I have decided what to do, and I'm not going private.

I thought alot about why I blog and why I read blogs over the weekend. While there is the catching up and watching people's kids grow aspect; there is also something different that keeps me reading and writing. Just a few weeks ago I stumbled upon this blog and a post entitled "Surprise is not a big enough Word" while up in the middle of the night unable to sleep. I can't explain why but this post just put me at ease with so much guilt I had been carrying around. I don't want to sound full of myself, I do mean this with the utmost humility, but I write about my struggles on here and how I am working to overcome them quite honestly. I like to think, what if someone else facing a similar struggle can read these words and they can help? For that reason alone I wont go private.

However, since mrcds doesn't seem to feel the need to stop commenting I will be adding the comment moderator so I have to approve the comments before they show up. I'm not a fan of this option, but that's the way it's going to be because none of you great people should have to read this dribble.

I'm not sure if you may be saying to yourself "That's great Amanda, but how are you going to deal with the emotional smut still being put on you by mrcds as you'll still have to read their comments?" Well if you are, this is how I'm hoping to deal with that.

In the last comment posted by mrcds they stated: "Not to be mean but have you ever considered that I may be someone you know just trying to point you in a different direction. If I didn't care then I wouldn't comment. You do know me and I just can't face you and share the things I feel.". There are several options as to how I can react to this;

1. Do you really know me or are you trying to mess with my head by stating this?

2. If you do know me, do I consider you a friend? If I do consider you a friend then we need to have a coffee because friends don't treat friends like this. If you really do know me you'll know this is not the firs time I've stood up for what I believe in the face of opposing opinions. You know that I can handle talking to you in person.

3. If you do know me and we just 'know' each other then perhaps I can share a bit more with you. Maybe something about the language I use is a bit confusing to you as my intention in writing should not be for you to think any of those things you think.

So, mrcds, no one can see my comments left by you any longer. Let me know who you are and we can work out our differences, or at least part ways with a bit of closure.

Thanks again for all of the positive feedback, and especially to the first time commenters, I really appreciated it. I will be back in a few days once I'm not quite so fragile over these comments and back in my usual bloggin style!

How Spineless can you Be?

A while ago there was this anonymous blogger who used to leave comments on my blog of a very nasty variety. I tried to politely ignore said person and go about my way. I then decided I had had enough and blocked anonymous comments on my blog.

It turns out I am some kind of special and Anonymous could not leave me alone. In fact this person felt the need to hide behind a fake identity and leave another dispicable comment on my blog:

"Been a while, but I am thrilled to see that the thing you call belle is as ugly as I expected. You may want to apply to have her name changed to MUTT and while you're at it call the other one JEFF. I can only hope that your third creature is male, then it may have a fighting chance of making something of his life instead of the miserable poverty and deprivation the other 2 things are going to have.Do the world a favor and get yourself fixed thus bringing no more misery and ugliness into this world."

I am baffled as to why my blog calls this kind of attention. I am baffled while others dealing with surprise pregnancies, loss of employment, sudden changes in life, etc etc get all kinds of kind prayers and comments and I get this?! And I don't even get the respect of knowing who wrote this crap, they have to hide behind an anonymous nom de plume. It's just about enough to end this blog train I tell ya. Quite enough.

When the think-tank is empty.

Another week come and gone brings us one week closer to the arrival of our newest addition. We're working on getting the bedrooms ready and seeing as we just did this about a year ago we have the essentials on hand already. It's time to start contemplating a name.

Nick has chosen a boy name that he loves, and I like it. It doesn't send shivers down my spine, but neither did Isabella's name, until I met her. So I guess we have the boy side of things taken care of.

There is potential for another girl and so I must consider those options as well, except I can't think of any! For me how a name sounds is just about as important as what it means as you can see from the other names we've chosen.

I've been trying to think of what meaning goes best with this babe's life thus far. I tried looking at online baby name finders, but that was rather difficult. I think the phrase I would use to sum up what I want the baby's name to mean is 'a change of perspective'. I wonder where that search will take me.

Calendar Flip

Well, one month of the fall 'semester' is already done. I absolutely love the way the time flows when one is busy. Correction, I love the way time flows when I'm busy and disciplined. This past month has been busy, but very undisciplined.

You may recall me mentioning that we're decorating the kid's bedrooms and that 'after' pictures should already be up. They should be and aren't, so here's a progress update shot. The room started off plain white with dusty rose carpeting. We've gotten really far, eh? Just kidding. The walls have been painted, but need a lot of touching up, (two year olds helping paint is a cute theory). We did the walls in a light pink, with dark pink stripes up about 3 feet. There is a border going in and then some of my decorative touch to turn the room from blah to princess pretty. We've also done the first coat in the nursery, but that's all. Hopefully we'll have it finished before I go away at the end of the month.

Total sidenote- I am going away at the end of October! The ladies retreat is written in pen on my calendar and Nick has booked the weekend off. This will be my first weekend away from the kids since Brooklyn was born, I am so ready for a break!

The break will be much deserved after the October we have on the go. This weekend Nick and I sat down to plan when we will have Brooklyn's first birthday party and discovered that at least one of us is already booked every. single. day. of October. How nuts. We did some swapping and will be able to have a birthday party for her which is exciting as it is an important day.

The fullness of the calendar has put a bit of a damper on my enthusiasm though. I love being busy and every day that flows by quickly right now is a blessing, but I also love being spontaneous and when you're booked solid a month in advance there isn't much time for that. A friend reminded me this week that I can make it because I'm creative. Hopefully that will lead to a month of fun, spontaneous, scheduled fun!

Poopy

I think I'll continue in the underwear theme as it does take up quite a bit of my day. Changing diapers on two, (sort of), and soon to be three bums is just one of those tasks that must be done around here.

Isabella has done fabulously well with the potty training gig so far. She rarely has accidents, and when she does it's usually because I'm tied up with Brooklyn and can't help her with a tricky waistband or something. Every now and then we put a Pull Up on her for a car ride that involves one of the 400 highways as a 20 minute drive can turn into two hours on them. She'll use the toilet at people's houses, at stores, at baseball stadiums. It really has gone a lot better than I anticipated.

As long as you're just talking about peeing.

There's something about pooping on the toilet that Isabella just isn't digging. She'll hold it in all day until we put on her Pull Up for the night and then within minutes she'll have taken a dump. Or you can watch her working on a doozie and so pick her up and take her to the toilet to finish the deed, but she'll just stop. We make sure to sit with her in the bathroom while she's trying to poo and if she has an accident we try to explain that she's not in trouble, but perhaps she could try to get the toilet next time !?!

It's not like I'm at my wits end or anything. Wiping one poopy bum a day isn't the end of the world by any stretch of the imagination. And Brooklyn only poops once a day too. Two poopy diapers a day isn't that bad either.

I know that Isabella has two more falls before she can attend kindergarten so we have a fair bit of time to work on the potty training thing, but with my sensitive sense of smell and occasional naseousness I really would like to be done with the bum wiping.

I just remembered what newborn poop is like. Aw, poop.

What a difference!

Last night while folding the girls laundry it caused me to contemplate what a difference two pounds makes. I was thinking about it because Isabella has outgrown her first set of underwear and moved on to the next size. There is only a two pound difference on the charts that help determine what size to buy. I was trying to decide if we go from 3 to 3x's or from 3 to 4's.

We went from 3 to 3x's and as you can see by the picture they're noticeably larger.

It got me thinking what a difference two pounds makes in a lot of different situations. What a difference two pounds makes to the health of a premature babe. What a difference two pounds makes to someone struggling to lose, or gain, weight. What a difference two pounds of food makes to a starving family. What a difference adding two pounds makes to a workout. What a difference lifting two pounds makes to someone shaking under a load.

Two pounds sounds almost insignificant but when you really think about it, it's rather large. Just as most of the small things in life are really bigger than they seem at first. For example, I never thought I would learn life lessons from folding underwear!

Cheesy Update?

So, here's a brief update on Isabella and 'The Hoover'. Isabella has officially entered the terrible twos. She is however adorable at the same time. Today during a temper tantrum she bashed her head off my nose and I actually howled in pain and cried for a minute or two. Her head is solid stuff! As soon as I started crying she forgot what she was having a tantrum about and wiped away my tears and kissed my nose better. It's a funny balance between cute and misbehaviour here!

Her curiosity continues to grow each day and her questions and imagination continue to catch me off guard. I am astonished at the number of times a day she asks to go to school. When I tell her she's not yet old enough she grabs her keys and this toy she has that looks like a lunch box and heads to the door anyway. She stands at the front door for a bit and then comes down the hallway stating; "Honey I'm home, I had a great day!".

This is her trying to get in her bedroom while Nick paints the tall parts. Climbing was a little too painful for her. She has since figured out how to push out the bottom part and crawl under.

Brooklyn will be one in mere weeks, isn't it crazy? She has begun to develop a sense of humor that is uber cute. It's not giggley and hamish like Isabella's but more subtle and witty. She knows when she's doing something cute and eggs you on to laugh with her eyes. She's climbing well, cruising well and will walk beside you holding one hand. She sleeps so peacefully all night and two naps a day, (when it fits our schedule, one loooooong one when it doesn't). The only skill I think she is 'behind' Belle in is learning to use a spoon. I think I've mentioned before that Brooklyn is not a tidy eater. She really has no use for a spoon. But she inhales everything. I am pretty sure she actually ate more than me at supper yesterday, and she always eats her portion and what Belle leaves behind. I'm curious to see what her weight will be at one year, I'm thinking we hit the 'triple her birthweight' expected, (roughly 21 lbs).

This week Isabella tried pronouncing the word 'particularly'. She uses it in context and it cracks me up. 'I like my socks, paticularly the blue ones." I can hardly wait for them to have conversations with each other! I'm sure they'll be waxing eloquent far before I'm ready.

The warbled belly shot.

The belly shot looked normal when I uploaded it and everything but somehow it's quite warbled on the sidebar there. I'm too untechnological to fix it, I'll try and update it soon.

Things are going well, and as long as it's lasted being pregnant I am on the journey to the end. I now have appointments every two weeks, which to me always makes things go faster! Everything is still normal, good heartbeat, good blood pressure. I really just have uneventful pregnancies! The baby's head is down and I've already been getting a tonne of Braxton Hicks that take my breath away. I know that really doesn't mean anything as far as when this baby is going to be born, but it feels like the light at the end of the tunnel. A pleasant reminder that we truly aren't pregnant forever!

I Don't Want to Dissappoint

I have once again begun trying to go to Ladies Time Out at the church. I started going because the study really, really leapt out at me. We were going to be going through 'A Woman's Guide to Personal Discipline'. This seemed perfect for me right now as this year has been a struggle through disciplining myself. However, the books have not yet arrived, and so the leadership decided to go another way. I was uber disappointed. I'm going to order the study and do it myself. I am also going to continue going to LTO, if for nothing more than a break from my dear two year old.

This week while we were in the midst of the program shift the time was filled with a segment of a DVD series featuring Beth Moore. What a great speaker! Granted, my head hurt a bit from the video as in her enthusiasm it felt like she was yelling the entire time, but I really enjoyed the session.

Especially the line where she said:
'When we trust don't we so often say; God I trust you to do what I say.......... in Jesus name!'

Lately I've been thinking about trust and faith. As you know I began a job as a transcriptionist in July. I am an independant contractor for a firm. I have been given three hours of work in the last six weeks. This does not pay the bills. And so I struggle with the line between trust and irresponsibility. I'm just not sure where it is and as far as a 'feeling' on this issue lately I'm not feeling anything at all. But it's a struggle nonetheless. Should I be looking for another job? Or do I continue to be faithful to do work when it's provided and life as usual when it's not? It's a hard call for me. In the past I've always assumed that the answer is to go out and find another job guaranteeing the bills would be paid. When I talked to hubby he said maybe the reason we keep circling back to this place is because we haven't truly trusted God. We get close to not paying the bills and then find a solution ourselves.

And Beth Moore had so many poignant things to say on the topic. Like how we trust God to do things our way, not really his way, just the solution we can think up.

It's been a very challenging week for me to contemplate this. Still not sure where the line lies between faith and irresponsibility. Still knowing that God is able, but not sure that I don't need to do something in there.

I'm 30.

As in 30 weeks pregnant, I didn't suddenly skip three years of my life! I've been waiting to do a pregnancy post when I have an updated picture of the belly, but at this moment the camera batteries are spread among various pieces of technology we cannot operate without. I will take one and post it there on the right in the next day or two.

This pregnancy has been quite weird for me in several ways. The major one being that I have been pregnant forever. Can anyone remember when I posted that first ultrasound picture? I don't blame you if you can't, wasn't it sometime in the late 1900's? I am truly amazed at how I daily marvel at how quickly Brooklyn has grown from newborn to one-next-month and at the same time this pregnancy has most definitely surpassed it's expiry date.

However, on Thursday I went to get my RhoGAM shot and I had to go to the hospital to do so. I should have left early in order to deal with the assanine registration process at our hospital, but I put it off over and over. There was nothing in me that wanted to listen to other women labor. Finally I got to the hospital and they sat me in an empty delivery room. There I sat in the rocking chair looking at the bed all set up for the next laboring woman and the baby warmer there for the new babe. I started to get so nervous and tense and anxious. I am so ready to no longer be pregnant, but I'm not so much looking forward to the process of ending it. Luckily L&D was completely empty. Completely, as in not a single laboring woman, not a single newborn babe. The recovery beds were full of people from other wards all definitely beyond their procreation days. It took just shy of an hour for them to enter my name into a computer, go to the pharmacy to get the shot and come in to greet me. Then 30 seconds for them to stick me with the needle and send me on my way.

I have a love hate relationship with hospitals.

Another weird thing for me is that I'm totally nesting. I did not nest at all with either of the others. Possibly that was because we had major moves during both of my previous pregnancies, I don't know. There are little sticky note lists in each room about what must be accomplished in the next 10 weeks and we're working hard around nap times to decorate the girls rooms. I am actually looking at the calendar and scheduling time to have Nick move our major appliances so I can clean behind and under them. It's a bizarre thing for me.

Other than that it's pretty much pregnancy as usual. I have very mixed emotions about our third baby. I am totally excited for the possibility. I love that someone new will be joining our family, that we'll be able to snuggle a newborn again, that I get to make baby announcements and get all 'Anne Geddes Holiday Edition'. I'm excited to see Belle and Brooklyn welcome a new little person into our lives. It is very exciting. But on the other hand I so desperately want our next baby to be a boy. Both of us really, really do. I know that a healthy baby is the ultimate gift, and I don't want to belittle that in any way- I will be so content no matter what gender our baby is. It just might take me a few days post birth to get there. I was joking with a lady on Sunday that the real reason you can stay in the hospital after the baby is born is so that you can cry about whatever without having to entertain guests. Whether it be the birth going the completely opposite direction from your birth plan, or welcoming your third girl (ohmygosh the estrogen!), to the world. By the time the release you, you're all giggly and smiley and excited about this little person. I was a little shocked when she nodded in complete agreement. So, I don't think it makes me an awful person to admit that I will need a minute or two if we have another girl.

I think my computer time must be about up because the muse for this post is kicking me rather hard as if to say; "stand up lady I need a stretch!".

My Honesty

When I write posts like the last two and unleash unto cyberspace, (and a few readers), the thoughts which I am currently processing I don't do it to sound super spiritual; I don't do it hoping a bazillion people will leave a comment about how great I truly am. I write honestly because I honestly believe I am not the only one processing what I'm processing.

One of the greatest traps of being a woman is the compare game. And we all do it. Most of us probably do it on a regular basis. But we don't talk about it. We walk around pretending that we don't or saying honest things followed by a zillion giggles so that no one else feels uncomfortable.

And honestly that bugs me. I would much rather get to know the heart of each person I've ever known. To get to know you without your make up on, in your sweats, gobbling a pint of ice cream. I would rather get to know you at 3:00 am while soothing a colicky baby. One of my relational cravings is intentional personal relationships, and you can't get those if you're not honest and vulnerable.

So, my honesty is hopefully a door. A door to get to know you honestly. And that's all.

I am a Processor

When I read things or hear things I need to interact with them in order for them to sink in. I take notes in Church for that reason and like to ask a zillion questions. The following are some excerpts from a book I'm interacting with right now: "Gifts: The Joy of Serving God"

To be loved means to be chosen. The sense of being chosen is one of the very best gifts love bestows on the beloved. When I am chosen I am seen as unique. When I am chosen I am recognized as someone who has something to contribute. When I am chosen it means somebody wants me. I am not isolated or unconnected, I belong. That's what God does when he chooses, and he chose each one of us. But in our fallen world being chosen almost always means being chosen at the expense of someone else. It makes choseness competitive and the consolation prize envy.

Envy is the toxic bile of those who believe themselves to be unchosen. Envy is disliking God's goodness to someone else and dismissing God's goodness to me. Envy is desire plus resentment. But I cannot stop being envious simply by trying hard. Envy can only be healed when I come to live as one who has been chosen by God who loves each of his children with infinite uniqueness.

God holds out a certain joy for each of his children. There is however one way to lose your joy. To compare your gifts and feel the sinking sensation that the greater another person's gifts or talents the more you are diminished.

If you offer your gifts and humbly receive the gifts of others your joy will be made complete. If you don't you go through life wishing for the joy that belongs to others, you will end up feeling no joy at all.

When you notice envy or comparision rising up within you, don't berate yourself. Instead remind yourself that you are fully loved by God- no one else's achievements or life can diminish that.

From Mere Christianity: "We get no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. We say people are proud of being rich, or clever or good looking but we are not. They are proud of being richer, or cleverer or better looking than others. It is the comparision that makes you proud, the pleasure of being above the rest."

Comparison kills community.

What would it take for you to be completely at peace with how God gifted you.

I Think Out Loud

I struggle with envy, it's true. I never thought of it as being envious of others gifts or how God made them; but fully acknowledge that I am envious of what others have. I am envious of people who own their own homes, of people who can go out shopping for things other than groceries. I am envious of women who look pretty or have stylish clothes. I am envious of what I perceive others have: like fuller social calendars and more friends. I am envious of people who have energy regardless of how little sleep they got and who are approached by complete strangers just because.

Envy doesn't keep me from doing things. I still volunteer, have people over, attempt to make new friends, I get up and keep trying after I fail. But envy keeps me from feeling joy. No matter how clean and welcoming my home is, it feels insignificant because someone else owns my home. When I go out with friends and I'm not the one who gets complimented I feel self conscious and nervous. When someone begins to share how God has blessed them materially I actually doubt His love for me instead of rejoicing in their blessing. I don't envy because I don't think the others deserve what they are getting. I don't envy because I want what they have.

I envy because I long to be chosen and I still view chosen as a fallen human. I crave to be the popular girl, not just the popular girl's invisible friend. I desire to have "it" as defined by the world. I envy because my mind is having trouble being renewed and my attitude re-written by God. Confession: There's nothing that I wouldn't give to walk into a room full of people, full of confidence in who I am and approach strangers simply because I believe there is value in them knowing me. I used to think that was an issue of self esteem, but am beginning to think it may be an issue of envy. Either way the path to freedom is love; and not love in the movies or even the love of a spouse. But His love. A love I will never fully comprehend but am hoping to embrace.

Blog Blankin

I've been having a few weeks of blankness as to what to write about on my blog. Do you ever have those weeks were it feels like everyone else has more of a life than you? I really have no idea what people do when they aren't with me, but it seems like everyone else leads a more fascinating life than me sometimes.

I don't have any children starting any grade of schooling. I'm not eagerly anticipating a new arrival. I haven't bought a new house or new toy, I'm not embarking on or returning from any exciting excursions.

Just a few weeks of regular life. I don't mind it, but it makes for some very boring blog fodder. And I find it makes me a bit pessimistic. What do you mean I haven't been invited out in two weeks, am I not cool enough anymore??

Next week we start putting some things in place schedule wise. Our weekly drop in time at the Early Years Center begins on Monday, we have Ladies Time Out on Thursday, our small group should be starting up again either this week or next I think. I've got crop nights beginning next friday. It will be nice to have a full schedule, I really am looking forward to being with people, outside of my house for a purpose other than buying groceries!

We've also begun decorating the kid's rooms so there will be some fun pictures of that in the next week. Stars and Moons and Princesses. And I should probably start documenting this pregnancy a bit better. I did pretty good with the first two babes, but I don't want Baby #3 to be the one without a baby book or any memoirs.

Even after all that airing of the brain I am stilll quite blank.

Brain Power

There's one thing that I didn't realize until recently. Ever since I left home I haven't been a very good eater. I like to eat. I even like to eat well. I even like to try new recipes. Nick will eat pretty much anything, then lick the design off of his plate and finish by asking to lick mine. He's just a hoover. Since we've had kids though I've really begun to dread my time in the kitchen.

I want them to eat well and I want to do the best I can. It's true that Isabella is currently in a hot dog/chicken nugget & fries/mac & cheese stage that I am not going to wage WW3 to get her out of, but I do strive to provide nutrition and learn more each day about what nutritous eating is.

The thing that makes being in the kitchen so dreadful for me is the inevitable ensuing headache. I am serving three to four different dietary demographics each time I make a meal. Nick being a 6'5" athletic guy who will use that as an excuse to eat 24/7, Isabella who can eat what we eat- the operative word being can, Brooklyn who is just moving from everything mushed to all things chewable and myself eating for two while hopefully never seeing 200.

I have always loved dinner and we have always eaten good dinners. I am a recent convert to breakfast and since it's new terrain I am enjoying figuring it out. Lunch, however, still eludes me and healthy snacks are a carribean island I've never been too. One nice thing about kids is that they need to eat every 3-4 hours or else everything crashes, so I at least have the reminder to eat on a regular basis.

I am determined to fix the mistakes I made during my breastfeeding attempts that I can now see in hindsight in order to make it a successful venture this time around and so eating has begun to consume even more brainpower than normal for me. I do not eat nearly the amount of calories recommended for a breastfeeding woman, and I'm not obsessed with my weight or anything like that, I just don't think to eat.

I just did up my second round of "Once a Month Cooking". (If you're going to try this method and I highly recommend it, give it at least two cooking attempts to decide if you like it. The first time is overwhelming but the second one is a lot better!). We've been eating food from our freezer for supper for only one week and already I can feel a weight lifted off my shoulders. With supper virtually off my mind I can turn my focus to those elusive carribean islands.

I wonder if I'm just odd that I don't think about food all. day. long. Has anyone else been on a journey like mine? What has helped you master the pyramid?

The Dog Dayz

I cannot believe that "summer" is almost over! I am extremely excited that it is being that I am a girl who appreciates the colder temps and waking up when it's still dark outside. I tend to catch this bug of anticipation when summer is ending and the school year is starting. It's funny how even though I haven't been in school for five years September still feels like more a 'new year' to me than January.

I was sitting back thinking about how nice it will be when we're busy, (I'm a bit weird that way, I love busyness!). When each person has their own color marker to use on the family calendar in order to keep track of their activities. I signed up the girls for the fall session of swimming lessons and got excited to have an activity. Then I decided to think of how/where I would be volunteering this fall, stuff like that.

That's when I realized that we are already at the point of needing a family calendar! Our weeks are full. The difference is that with smaller kids the majority of the activities happen before supper and not after. I know that having full weeks mean that the days will fly by and that has me excited too. I am not ready to have a baby tomorrow, (fingers crossed Elizabeth!), but I am so excited to add our third addition before we ring in the New Year.

I'm sure not a fan of the dog days of summer, I love the ironic fast pacedness of the holidays, but I'd rather take it without the heat! I hope everyone, (especially my three loyal readers), has a great fall, full of activity and blessings and challenges. Happy New Year!

Old Haunts

This past week we spent a few days up at my Grandparent's trailer on Blackstone Lake in Northern Ontario. It was neat to take my kids up to a place I hung out at as a kid. The place has really changed since I was last up there but a few special places remained. My grandpa took us out on the boat a few times and we got to look at Lawson's Bay which used to be an empty quiet place for fishing. Now it features cottages like this:

With docks for single boats like this:

My grandpa says the rumor is these people are putting in a small gondola to take them from cabin to dock. I could believe it. There's a lot of money on the lake now. So much so in fact they aren't sure how many more years they'll have a trailer up there. They rent in a park and the owner may get a really good offer and sell. I can't say I'd blame her with all the million plus dollar deals going down up north.

The weather was grey and rainy while we were there with a humidex of about one million. So we spent most of the time indoors just trying to breathe, but had a blast nonetheless. Once again not a single shot of Brooklyn and I'm not even sure why Isabella has such a monopoly on our camera.

Here are some of our fun moments.

Driving the boat. She loved doing this but we only let it putter when she's driving so it would last about ten seconds and then she'd jump out and tell grandpa to "Let's Go!" so we could go faster. At this particular moment she is telling me not to take a picture of her driving thank-you-very-much.

Us on the big rocks, which are so much smaller when you're in your 20's.

One of the many hilarious moments provided by Isabella running in and out between the trailer and screened in porch which she overtook with her mega blocks.

Isabella is getting all right at taking pictures herself like these of my grandpa and grandma.

The Ebb and Flow

I find that there really is an ebb and flow to life. There are very busy times, and there are times when you wish there were things to do. There are times when you feel on top of the world and there are times when you feel like you're underneath it. I like to pretend that I'm a stable and level headed person but as I've been reflecting these last few days I find that I really am more of a rollar coaster. There are times when I'm completely dependable, times when I'm a bit more fairweater; times when I am full of energy, times when I am completely exhausted; times when I'm batting a thousand and times when I can't remember how to hold a bat. Perhaps it's because I'm a woman. Perhaps it's because I"ve been pregnant for 25 of the last 38 months. Perhaps it's becuase I am striving to live like Christ, and that's a rollar coaster for any human!

I'm not sure the reason but I know I find myself longing for even keeledness. For there to be a real level to my days, events, activities, life change. It's hard to go through mountains and valleys for an elongated period of time. Sometimes though I wonder if I've gotten so used to being on a rollar coaster that I tend to create my own bumps and dips.

We have had an awesome summer, really. There are a lot of things we haven't been able to do that we wanted to, but we did so many other things. We have been running on a rushed pace, but that's just what our life is like right now. It's good, because really the life of a pastor and family does not know a slow season.

We took a family day this week and didn't go to church on Sunday, instead we spent it at the ballpark. It was great, but like so many times it seems the week we missed Church was a week we really needed to be there to hear what God was imparting through our pastor. Friends of ours told us about the sermon and I am really looking forward to downloading it once it's posted online, (our church is awesome like that). According to our sources, (who are very reliable), the sermon was about being fully reliant on the Holy Spirit and what that looks like in the life of a Christian. (And yes, he's still working through the book of Romans).

I have yet to hear the wisdom, but I am sure that it is part of the key to being even keeled. I know I say a lot that I need to rely on the power of God and not my own, I know I pray for strength during tough times, it really isn't lip service for me, I do take it seriously. But, I can't say I've know what it's like to live fully reliant on Him. If I did life wouldn't really be a rollar coaster. Sure it would be full of events, some more exciting and some not so much; but I think you can tell the people who live fully reliant on the Spirit because they have joy all the time. You can just see peace in their eyes and joy in their hearts.

I think this is a key thing for me right now. The more I hang out with younger babies the more I wonder how on earth I am going to be able to be a good mom to three children under the age of three! The more days that go by without work and I begin to stress about bills, I begin to doubt in God's providance for us. The busier our lives get the less time there is to just be, and that wears a body out.

I was looking back on some old posts and experiences and really feeling the cyclicalness of my life. Another major life change on the horizon, another period of not knowing where the money is coming from. Another time of feeling far from my priorities. There must be a lesson there I'm just not getting, but I think that each time the test is put before me I handle it a bit more maturely. I really am growing and that's encouraging.

For the last two days the weather has been grey and overcast, my favorite! We are going up north to spend a night at my grandparent's trailer which is something I enjoyed so much as a kid and now get to share with my kids. Nick and I actually have a date night planned for Sunday evening, (a virtually free date night because of some generous people at our church!), I've been turning the tv off more and even though I haven't had work to keep my busy I've been doing the other stuff in life I should be, (as opposed to eating bon bons and watching 'stories' all day). To me that makes things feel more even keeled, what I really want. Although I could create a dip out of the current situation I don't have any desire to and I hope that when people see me they are noticing the joy in my heart and the journey toward peace and rest in the Spirit.

Say What, Isabella?

Yesterday Isabella got a package from my mom. In it was a new outfit. She took it out of the packaging, gave it a huge hug and said "I love it momma." Then she put it on, almost entirely by herself.

Today I went up to get her from my time out, (she wasn't tired but I needed a few childless minutes so she was gated in her room). She had peed in her Pull Up, (I did not want to end my childless minutes cleaning up anything foul), taken it off, thrown it into the bathroom and proceeded to put on new panties and shorts, by herself.

She no longer says 'no' by itself when she is defiant. Now she says 'no, I don't want'.

Yesterday she told us she loves Taco Bell.

This week she asked me where her conscience is.

Apparently London Bridge is falling down and it's Belle's job to tell the whole world, hence the repetition of the song for the last two weeks whenever there is silence.

Isabella walked into our scrapbooking room last friday and exclaimed; "Oh my gosh, (small hand covering wide open mouth), it's amazing." I guess people do notice when I tidy up.

Very Ferry

For the second part of our family outing we decided to try out Toronto Island. I had heard a few people talking about it over the summer and envisioned a large island with park benches and gardens and picnic spots. Nick took me to the web site before we headed out and there are a billion things to do on the island. We chose one activity section that looked nice, packed a picnic and decided to go with the girls agenda instead of our own. To get across to the island you have to take a ferry, another first for me as well as the girls.
This picture is of Isabella on the way home on the top deck of the ferry with Nick. Alcohol is prohibited on the Island which makes it a great place to take your children without the worry of them witnessing a drunken brawl, or since it is the T dot, something far worse. The ferry was full of children on the way home with us and after a long day out the smell of old diapers and mothers who had been spewed upon was a little much, so Nick and Belle escaped to the top deck.
This is the city Skyline as we headed back across the ferry.
Me and Isabella enjoying our picnic suppers, and running from segulls.
There aren't any pictures of Brooklyn from the day really. She is cutting her two top teeth and spent the majority of the day sleeping and noshing on arrowroots. Here's Isabella trying to provide her some relief.

After our supper we headed towards the Franklin's Childrens Garden. A really lovely garden with bronze statues of all the Franklin tv show characters. Franklin is by far one of Isabella's favorite shows and it was so cute to see her run up to the statutes, give them hugs and carry on conversations with them just like they were her real buddies. I put more pics of it on her blog.

After a couple hours on the Island Belle started to be a little less obedient than we expect of her and so we decided to call it a day. It was a super day out, lots of fun and one that I'm sure we'll be repeating over and over again next summer.

Ice is Nice

Yesterday we had a family outing day. Our original plan had been to take the girls to the London's Childrens Musuem to see a Munsch exhibit. Nick checked out the website and deduced it was more for children who could read. Since Isabella can't and there will be plenty of time when she can we decided to go on a "no reading required" outing.

Our first stop was the Hockey Hall of Fame. When it was first suggested I pictured a day of Nick in his glory oblivious to his children while they screamed and carried on and I was left to my own devices in a public arena which isn't a pleasant vision. It was pretty much the polar opposite. A super day.

The HHF was surprisingly empty considering it was a Saturday afternoon, but we took full advantage of the lack of crowd to let Brooklyn explore at her own pace. She cralwed around for a while, climbed up on the walls and got really up close with some of hockey's legends.
Here we are with Lord Stanley himself. The Cup is upstairs in a smaller room where they hold the inductions to the HHF, (at least that's what Nick said). The room is small enough that you can hear the conversations of people around you. I don't think I'll ever get over how cool it is to hear so many different languages in the same place all saying versions of the same thing:

"What $10 to get a picture with the Cup?" "I know, do you think they'd let us use our own camera and have someone take it?" "I don't know let's just try and sneak it in." "We'll we could always ask that guy who works here, but what if he says we have to pay?".

I swear I heard the same conversation in Kroatian, English, French, German, Pig Latin.

You can take your picture without paying for it, the guy who works there will even snap it for you!

Fields of Love

I love finding outings to take Isabella and Brooklyn on. I am not the kind of mom who lasts long just sitting at the park, especially in the heat of the summer, and so it's much more enjoyable for all if there is an actual event for us to attend. I don't know if I'll be able to do many 'single parent' outings once there are three children with me so I have made the effort to do a few fun things this summer and am hoping to find a few more for the fall.

Last week's outing was to a place called Andrews Scenic Acres. We want to hold Brooklyn's first birthday party there as in October they have a huge pumpkin patch, haunted house and other things for the kids to do. There is a small playground and picnic area, but the majority of the place is acres and acres of fresh fruits and vegetables. You can pay a few dollars and go pick your own fresh blueberries, or raspberries or what not.

Today's Parent was sponsoring a day at Andrews so I talked to a few other parents and we took our kids for a few hours in the morning. Isabella got to hang out with her friend, (and future husband?) Liam. The above picture of them holding hands was not coerced at all. We simply asked them to walk together, thinking the faster at that moment would speed up the slower. They were of course adorable.

There is also a playground, and this is the main slide. Isabella climbed up the whole thing by herself. There weren't actual steps but rather metal bars to walk up. I stood behind her so nervous but the slide is taller than me and I had to let her do it by herself. She didn't even slip, she made sure to have good grip before moving up any steps and she even remembered to only go up onto her knees at the top. Then she slid down all by herself. Definitely not a baby anymore.

The corn stalks sure made her look small though. We decided to also take a hay ride around the lot and while we were waiting for our turn Isabella ran over to the Today's Parents reps just to hang out. They were throwing around a ball and frisbee and she wanted in on the fun. This was probably the most confusing part of the day as all of the Today's Parents reps were teenagers. What they were there to tell us parents I have no idea as they only talked to each other. Isabella sure enjoyed them as she introduced herself, (she now tells people: "hello, bella" while pointing to herself). She is going to be quite the social butterfly.

There wasn't too much to do as the place was quickly filling up with other older children and there was one more child than adult in our party so no extra hands for fancy pictures or anything too memory making, although Angela did teach them how to 'sample' fresh fruit from the bush.

All in all I'd say it was a successful outing. I'm sure Isabella would have continued going up and down the slide a zillion times, but now she'll get the chance when we go back for Brooklyn's birthday and there are more adults for us to socialize with thus extending her happy hour.

This weekend our outing is going to be the Children's Museum in London. I think it's going to be a family outing as everyone else is quite busy, and it's a few hours of driving, but they're doing a Robert Munsch exhibit so I think it will be worth the trek.

I absolutely cannot believe that an entire week has gone by since I've written a post. I swear that about six of them materialized in my brain and I was sure I wrote them. I spent the last few days sorting through my digital pictures in order to delete the crap and put them all in one organizational system before I started choosing what to order for my next scrapbook project. I guess I got caught up in organizing over 1300 photos, and that's just one year! I put in the order but have yet to look through the pictures to make sure they're all good quality. There may have to be a small re-order as some of the pics were a bit dark and I couldn't decide if that made them look like black squares or artsy.

In organizing my photos I came across a few video gems I had forgotten about. I just spent the last hour trying to upload one through Photobucket but it consistently got cut short! Does anyone else know a good outlet to upload some video to?

In a small update I went for my fourth ultrasound only to be told that the radiologist was new and being extremely picky about the pictures. Nothing wrong, just someone wanting to over achieve. (I did ask the gender but was told it was too early to tell, I guess we'll have to stick with surprises.) I also took Brooklyn to the pediatrician who got her naked, put her on the scale, laughed out loud and sent us home. Yes, she laughed. out. loud. I had thought that Brooklyn felt heavier than the 12 lbs the scale said, but everything feels extremely heavy to me these days. She weighs 18.5 lbs. She is fine.

Worry-some?!?

On Thursday I go for the fourth ultrasound connected with my third pregnancy. I went at 12 weeks which I had not done with the girls in order to pin down the actual gestation of our little one. It amazed me how much the babe already looked like a person at that point, I think I expected a little more tadpole.

I then booked and marked on my calendar the glorious 18-20 week ultrasound. The one that most people videotape, or at least add to their wallet the picture to show everyone. I had the most wonderful technician at that appointment. She was chatty and informed and really on the pulse of new technologies. She had been doing ultrasounds for the last 20 years and we talked about how times had changed. It was a good thing as I was there for an hour and a half. The little one had the hiccups and decided that my spine was the most fascinating thing since sliced bread, (wait, since before sliced bread seeing as they don't know what sliced bread is.....). As soon as she saw it was going to be a bit on the difficult side to get the measurements she turned the screen so I could watch the whole thing! It was a real pleasure and the most any tech has ever talked to me so I will count it as a highlight in this pregnancy.

Unfortunately the little one would not flip over, or even half roll. She called in another tech. They had me wiggle, they had me pee, they had me roll up on either side. Nada. This little one played so camera shy I had to come back so they could get a good profile shot and a clear look at baby's heart.

Come back I did a week later. Profile shot, snap! But the heart, still not a good look. This tech however was not my favorite person. She used that little "wand" like some sort of lever to try and turn the baby over. I've never had anyone jam anything that hard in above my hip bone and down into my back trying to turn over another person inside. I nearly cried out of sheer pain, and I've delivered drug free--twice! She got some shots and then told me she wasn't sure the radiologist would be happy with them, I might be getting a call to come back. And I did.

So back I go on Thursday and I'm doing my best to just believe there are limits to ultrasound technology and they really can't see everything with their x-ray vision, end of story.

The first tech and I had a lengthy discussion about how much worry is caused while the baby is still inside due to the complicated and arduous scans us moms now go through. She was telling me that when they started they did pre-natal ultrasounds back to back to back. Now she does one in the morning, one in the afternoon max. I had to watch her literally massage her hand out of the grip she had on the "wand" when we finished. I can see it's taxing work.

And even though I'm a level headed person and quite laid back there's a huge part of me that believes there must be something wrong with this little one's heart and that is what they can't see clearly, exactly what is wrong and how wrong is it?

Ofcourse there could be nothing wrong at all, but for now it's unknown to me.

Like High School

This weekend Nick went away for one night with the youth group to a mud volleyball tournament. The girls and I were going to go with him, but upon learning it was a tent and outhouse situation-I declined. Isabella has become quite particular about her potty using, and I did not want to spend a day covered in mud and pee.

While Nick was gone I decided to crack open a book I ordered just a bit ago, (no, not yet Harry Potter, it's day is coming though!). I had read a great review on a blog I respect about the book Momfidence . My book arrived a few weeks ago and I had yet to give myself permission to start reading it, just in case what happened, well, happened.

I think it was probably highschool the last time I got engrossed in a book and lazed around all day neglecting all other things just to finish it. Then I would ofcourse shower and look for something great to do. I feared the same would happen if I started reading Momfidence, at it did. Sorta.

Have you ever noticed how doing things "like I did in highschool/college" is not really a true statement once you become a mom? Events now are a version of their highschool selves, just as we are.

I put Brooklyn down for her afternoon nap and gave Isabella some snacks and a blanket to go along with her fifty billionth viewing of "Credinables" and began to read. I only meant to read for half of Brooklyn's nap, (1.5 hours), and then get up and do wifely and motherly things. I just could not put the book down. My kids got fed ofcourse, (Wagon Wheels is a vegetable right?) and when Nick walked through the door exhausted from his physical exhertions he noted the book in my hand and walked back out the door to KFC.

Everyone survived the day I was mostly AWOL while reading a book purely for my enjoyment and personal growth. Which is good to know, because now I have to read it again. Slowly this time. To make up for it, we went to the park today and they had a blast.

Scrappin Accomplishments

This is a remix of the Scrapbook I did of Isabella's first year. It has nothing on Amanda's amazing video of Avelyn's First Year , but I'm more of a scissors and tape girl. The technologically advanced stuff doesn't sink in all that well!

Finishing the project felt sooooo good. It had been a while since I was in the regular groove of scrapping so it's really a bunch of different pages as I tried out different products and techniques. There are a few pages I might go back and re-do but not until I've caught up.

Seeing the book fully done now sitting on my coffee table waiting for people to leaf through I realized that I would actually like making other people's scrap books. It does take a lot of time to get all the cutting, matting and embellishing done. I think it would be a great project to do for another person, leaving spaces for them to do their journalling! It's so nice to not have to look back on my computer to remember her first year. It's definitely reignited my passion for getting my children's scrapbooks done before they move out of the house.

It also made me super excited about a new Creative Memories program called the Premiere 12 Club. I think some people did this type of group with Stampin Up. There are 12 members and each person gets a month to be the "hostess" earning all the free stuff. I think it would be super fun to do online, in cyberspace, in blogland. To have a "virtual" group of friends holding each other accountable to getting their scrapbook projects completed through fun challenges, product rants and raves, project showcases. The small print would read: $35 per month for 12 months. I'd really love to start one up if there's interest. Just leave me a comment here. (Even if you're just a reader and not a commenter!)

Well, I'm off to sort through my photo folders, I'm still 18 months behind on Isabella's life, not to mention my own book, and Brooklyn's.......let the scrap fest continue!

Just One

Last night we went to our friend's wedding and it was super great. We followed the directions to the ceremony, even though we were late and there was a shorter route, (we just didn't realize it until we were halfway there). We actually walked in after the bride. I've been known to be late for weddings habitually, but usually we walk in just before the bride. We're the couple that gives the Groom a heart attack cuz they open the door ever so slightly and he thinks his bride is coming, but no it's the "Fashionably LateFranks" showing up. This is the only picture we have of ourselves. I might be able to snag a few from friends though, (yay facebook!).

The ceremony was Anglican and so pretty formal and all. The reception was fabulous. I really love going to weddings where I know way more people than just the bride and groom, although I will seriously accept an invitation to any wedding.

I could tell you a million reasons why the wedding was so great, but it would be full of all kinds of inside jokes that no one would get because I don't think anyone in G-town actually reads this blog. I'll spare you and instead share the startling realization of the night.

We have one more couple that we are waiting to marry off in our friend circle. After that we become the 'friends of the parents'. We have to wait a good 20 years to start marrying off our daugthers and attend the weddings of friend's children. I sure hope I get to be one of the cool 'friends of the parents' the ones that get invited to the reception. I am going to be in serious withdrawal by then!

These retina burning babes are only going to get hotter in the next 20 years, bring on the ABBA!

(Photo of me and Brooklyn's future Mother In Law, Angela)

Druthers

Today I did my first assignment for my new job. I think I'm going to be learning something new everyday. My old typing job was quite boring. There's just not that much happening in the land of personal insurance claims. Some of the stories were out there, but the majority were just boring. Gone are those days. My first assignment was a conference call between Korn and about 15 interviewers. They talked about Korn's new album and the Family Values tour. It's all stuff that will be written in different publications and it was so neat. Perhaps if I work really hard there will be a divine blessing sent from above the next time Sarah releases an album. My fingers are already crossed.

The new thing I learned today is that 'druthers' is an actual word. You can find it at dictionary.com. It means to have a choice or preference. I had no idea. I thought it was just some lady's slang. Neat-O.

I am really looking forward to this weekend because our friends Derek and Kelly are getting hitched. It's going to be a great wedding. I bought a new dress, a new bra even! We rented a car for the day and I'm getting my hair and make-up professionally done. Nick got a new outfit in a brand new color.

(Is anyone else's husband stuck in the same color all the time!
Honey let's go buy a new shirt.
Sounds good darling, I sure do need a new blue shirt.
A new blue shirt but you have a blue golf shirt, and a blue dress shirt. Well several in fact in different shades.
And then you come home with a blue dress shirt somehow.....)

It's this cool green color and he looks hawt. It will be a ravishing night, because I had my druthers and I ran with them.

Brooklyn

Just in case you're checking in about Brooklyn's appointment with the pediatrician, we had to postpone it. Nick also had an appointment in the morning and I have an ultrasound in the afternoon. Three different appointments in three different cities. It was just going to be too rushed and seeing as I'm not all that concerned about Brooklyn we bumped her appointment to next week. She continues to be a typical nine month old babe, loving carrots one day and hating them the next! She's definitely cruising around and loving life. A ball of energy that one. You can check out some more stories about her on the kids blog if you'd like.

Whirlwind

We made it through VBS week here without too many scars. Nick was up early each day going from site to site stressing about children dying from heat stroke. On Monday I do believe it got to 48 degrees. That is so hot, especially for little children. It seems as though everyone had taken the proper precautions and I learned on Wednesday night that there always seems to be a heatwave when VBS starts here. Just goes to prove that God is doing good things I'd say! On Wednesday night we had a celebration night where the kids got to show off some of the songs they'd been learning and their parents could meet their leaders. We had sundaes and Nick and his cohort Ann had booked a puppeteer to be the evening's entertainment. Usually the kids run the whole show, but due to other church events it had to be midweek and the kids didn't have as much time to learn a whole night's worth of stuff. The puppeteer was not so good. One guy described her most adequately as 'Mrs. Doubtfire'. She wore that kind of dress, had no idea how to handle a room full of kids and did what must have been her original program-straight out of 1982!! They were able to cut the night a bit short which all the parents were thankful for, and it seems to have been the only snag in a wonderful week!

Brooklyn went for her 9 month check up this week and she's dipped again in the weight percentiles. She's back down below the 5th percentile and my doctor admitted to being a little dumbfounded. (Not those words, but that's the idea). At first we saw his resident but upon her accouncing that my little cherub was only 5.6kg I knew something wasn't going the way it should and so we waited to talk to the doc. He said that if he wasn't looking at the numbers he would have no reason to assume there was anything going wrong. She's happy, she's mentally and physically exactly where she should be. She's even up around the 25th percentile in height, she's just not gaining weight. So, just to make sure all is good we're going to see a pediactrician next week. Just to get a more thurough look; to ensure there's nothing medically wrong that is keeping her from gaining weight. He asked me to make her formula thicker than we had been and to try some foods with a higher fat content. I tried yesterday with the thicker formula, but then she wasn't eating as much food and today all she ate was formula. So we're going to unthicken it because it's that time where finger foods and moving on from chugging to chewing are important. If the pediatrician gives us the thumbs up, we'll just go back to adding foods the way we did with Belle and accept that we have a very small daughter. Which is nice because her future husband is growing splendidly and I think it's cute to have a bigger man and a smaller woman!

I also got the transcription job I applied for! Sweet. It's a bit of a different format hours wise than my old job, but I am now definitely getting paid for my time and wont be doing 'free work' so to speak. I think it's going to be quite easy on the whole. There are busier times and slower times so I'm sure there will be days of high stress and days of boredom- but that's what work is and I'm so excited to have it!

What's the secret password?

I have a lot of different online "accounts" for a lot of different types of web sites. I try to make them very similar so that I don't forget them, but some sites ask for a certain amount of letters or a certain letter/number combination. I have my regulars, but every now and then I stray in order to meet the guidelines, or because I've watched too many episodes of 20/20 on identity theft and I therefore swing to the other side of the pendulum. Ofcourse none of these passwords are written down. How can my secret security clearance password be 'for my eyes only' if I've written it down somewhere? In the last few days I've tried to log into a few of said "accounts" to try and do different things; check the balance on my student loan, upload a new picture to be left with my blog comments, the really important things of life. Sadly I've forgotten the password.

I'm not sure if it's pregnancy brain or just because I set them up one day thinking I'd never use them again, or if my sleep last night was so restless because random bits of information were being sucked from my brain in order to help other life forms overtake the earth. That's a question we'll leave up to the experts.


Usually I'll just create another account when I can't remember. I'm one of those people with four logins for sites like Baby Fit and iVillage. A few of the accounts are for financial purposes though and those ones I need to actually prove my identity in order to attain access. I called up the NSLC yesterday to have my password reset. They gave me my username and it was clear that I must have created the account while in the throes of labor because seriously it was completely irrelevant to anything in my life ever. Feeling rather sheepish for having to even call someone to let me reset my password I chose to look at my security questions to get my old password instead of just resetting a new one. Could the questions be any more ambiguous? 'An important date.', 'An important person in your life. Hint: It's a family member.', 'What was your favorite subject the third and sixth weeks of grade four?'.

Oh my word. I'm going to have to hang my head and call back tomorrow to reset my password entirely. Perhaps this time I'll write it down.

Except I do have some nosy neighbors and every now and then I forget to lock the front door.

What if they discover that I know the secrets to life's burning questions- and I keep them hidden in a password only accessible web site?

Hmmm, maybe they know the answers to my security questions.......

We had a wonderful weekend, but like so many wonderful weekends I have no pictures to show of it! Nick went away with some guys for a golf/bachelor party shindig and us girls stayed at home. We did dinner with my aunt and her fam on Friday night during which we ate the most delicious shiskabobs ever! On Saturday we got up nice and early to go garage saleing, (which was really just code for a long walk). We met up with Ange and the twins and her parents. We only actually hit two garage sales but it was a nice walk. By the time we were done at about 11:00am it was too hot to function. We're gearing up for a week of really hot temperatures here so there wont be any outdoor fun after the early morning. We went back to Ange's parents house and the kids played in a little pool. One of the blow up baby ones. We had all four kids in there and it was quite the party. They were all super adorable splashing about and getting surprised when the water hit their faces. Uber cute. We hadn't brought any swim suits along so it was an all naturel pool party. I think the babes had fun and I know Isabella did, (cuz she told me a zillion times). Then we came home and tidied up a bit and made super and cupcakes to welcome Nick home. Isabella was a super mixer, I think she swirled the spoon around twice in the batter before she tried to lick it, and then stick it back in, and lick it again. I rented "Music with Lyrics" off of PPV and watched it twice while scrapbooking. I'm 6, yes count them 6, pages away from finishing my current album of Isabella. Prepare to be amazed, it's coming for your viewing pleasure.

Half

I am halfway through my current pregnancy, and I have yet to fully adjust to the idea that I'm actually having another baby. I went in for an ultrasound this week and got to see the little one squirming around in there. The poor babe had the hiccups and it was so crazy to see their little body completely convulse with a hiccup. The little one wasn't being so cooperative so I have to go back next week for them to finish up their measurements. The heart was beating at 143 bpms and according to the measurements they were able to get I'm anywhere from 17-21 weeks along. Nothing like technology to make things completely clear, eh?! We're going to go with me being 19 weeks 3 days today to base when I get induced, (let's just face it as reality). With all those numbers rolling around you may be thinking, 'so when are you actually due?'. You can sort through it all and figure out a date, but really folks just let it be ambiguous. This baby will be here in December, before Christmas, and that's all the info my body and this baby are going to confirm.

I feel incredibly huge already, but according to my scale I've only put on a couple pounds. All my clothes are tight and I'm not as agile as I am without a belly. It's crazy how much the body can move itself around during pregnancy. I've heard over and over that the third is the worst, and I think I will most likely be jumping on that band wagon.

I don't think Isabella has clued in yet to the fact that I'm pregnant. I think she just thinks I'm squishy. Soon enough she'll clue in. I know Brooklyn doesn't have a clue. It's nuts to think that in four and a half months there's going to be another little person in our lives.

Climbing the Ladder

So a while ago I let everyone in on the inner debate/conversation that is running through my head as I work on becoming a content SAHM. Before I found out I was pregnant with Baby #3 we had a plan in motion for us to continue taking baby steps from where we are in life to where we want to be. I find that there is tension in our home and I would be lying if I said it had nothing to do with where we fall in the class/economic system of Canada. However, the tension doesn't come because we feel we're poor or that we live without so many worldly things. The tension comes because both of us are result oriented people with goals in mind. The tension is created when we aren't moving at the pace we want to be towards those goals.

In an effort to continue moving ourselves towards where we want to be our plan had been for me to return to work. Part time nights stocking in one of the 7,(yes our small town has 7), local grocery stores. I would work three nights a week, all of those nights preceeding days that Nick has off so that our children would be taken care of and we wouldn't have to find childcare. I was actually looking forward to returning to work. Not somuch the 'nights' part, but returning to work did excite me. I like knowing that I would be contributing to us getting where we want to be.

Then I found out I was pregnant and with pregnancy came the exhaustion. I've been tired before; but nothing compares with how tiring pregnancy is. I didn't see any way that I could work nights for the next 6 months. It just wasn't a possibility anymore. Then we started considering my working during the day, which also is not a possibility for a lot of reasons.

Around the time that Nick and I were searching for a solution I met a lady who challenged me. She asked me if I had to work. Could we still pay our bills if I didn't work? Could we still put food on the table and keep a roof over our heads? She challenged me that if we could perhaps it wasn't right for me to work. At that time, (and still), Nick was struggling with being over stretched between all of his work responsibilities. This lady challenged me that perhaps now was the time for me to take being at home seriously, as my job, to see myself as a 'career mom'. We had a great conversation that day and at the end she said to talk it over with Nick and ask him to tell me what he felt as the leader of our family.

I left it with Nick and he began to pray and seek out God on the issues at hand. I tried to get sold out to being at home, and you all know how that's going! At this point in time I don't know if God wants me to work or to be a 'career mom'. I've had several conversations with a good friend of mine who has added another perspective to the debate/conversation.

When it comes down to it for me it's a trust issue. Am I trusting God in my actions to take care of my family? It's not an easy question to answer because it depends on your definition of trust. Some would say that trusting God in this circumstance would be to be a good steward of our income and trust God to provide all we need. Trust would be waiting for those mysterious anonymous cheques in the mail to help us get ahead. Some would say that trust in this circumstance would have nothing to do with money right now but with trusting God to provide energy to do what we need to do.

So it comes down to "let go and let God" or taking action as the choice.

With all that being said another part in the conversation is what would make me happy? As I related before I really like the benefits of working. I really like moving forward in life, no matter how small the steps are.

I checked out Monster.ca today just on a whim to see if there were even any work-from-home jobs listed. (oh my goodness the jobs if you're willing to invest and possibly be taken by a scammer!). I found one good job. A job I would actually love to do. I applied for it. It was posted on June 26th so I'm not sure if I'll get it, but it was for multiple positions.

I really want this to pan out! Even though I know it will then bring on the inner debate/conversation about work/family balance. It's really something I want and because of how I'm wired I know that finding an at home job will make me a better mother, a better wife, a better friend.

Hopefully I'll have the patience to find the perfect fit, and not just jump on the first opportunity.