When I read things or hear things I need to interact with them in order for them to sink in. I take notes in Church for that reason and like to ask a zillion questions. The following are some excerpts from a book I'm interacting with right now: "Gifts: The Joy of Serving God"
To be loved means to be chosen. The sense of being chosen is one of the very best gifts love bestows on the beloved. When I am chosen I am seen as unique. When I am chosen I am recognized as someone who has something to contribute. When I am chosen it means somebody wants me. I am not isolated or unconnected, I belong. That's what God does when he chooses, and he chose each one of us. But in our fallen world being chosen almost always means being chosen at the expense of someone else. It makes choseness competitive and the consolation prize envy.
Envy is the toxic bile of those who believe themselves to be unchosen. Envy is disliking God's goodness to someone else and dismissing God's goodness to me. Envy is desire plus resentment. But I cannot stop being envious simply by trying hard. Envy can only be healed when I come to live as one who has been chosen by God who loves each of his children with infinite uniqueness.
God holds out a certain joy for each of his children. There is however one way to lose your joy. To compare your gifts and feel the sinking sensation that the greater another person's gifts or talents the more you are diminished.
If you offer your gifts and humbly receive the gifts of others your joy will be made complete. If you don't you go through life wishing for the joy that belongs to others, you will end up feeling no joy at all.
When you notice envy or comparision rising up within you, don't berate yourself. Instead remind yourself that you are fully loved by God- no one else's achievements or life can diminish that.
From Mere Christianity: "We get no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. We say people are proud of being rich, or clever or good looking but we are not. They are proud of being richer, or cleverer or better looking than others. It is the comparision that makes you proud, the pleasure of being above the rest."
Comparison kills community.
What would it take for you to be completely at peace with how God gifted you.