Thursday, August 31, 2006
My camera should return home this weekend and remain home, so I can start putting more pics on here, it's so boring without!
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Nick has been trying to track down the HR person for his second job to set up the interview and get in the door. They scheduled an interview for him that he could not make and he left messages with several people letting them know this. He heard nothing at all in return for a week. When he finally did get a hold of the folks he found out that interviews were that day in Kitchener. It's not that far away, but he was at the church all day with this drop in program and could not make that day of interviews. His interview is now scheduled for September 14th. This does not bode well for us. The Youth Pastor returned from his missions trip to Mexico yesterday to find out that Nick and the Sr. Pastor did not have the pow-wow he had been led to believe they would be having while he was out of the country. The drop in program ends on Friday and after that Nick knows he's needed two days at the church. But that is it. Still no answers. Still no schedule. Still no clarity.
Nick called me from work to share this news and I just lost it. I just cried so hard that I couldn't even talk. I felt so bad for doing it too, I mean it's not like he could drop his job and come home and console me. I cried and I cried and I cried. I seem to be losing my internal strength in my old age.
Now it's true that I'm feeling weary and defeated. Scared about the future and so very sick and tired of thinking about money. And while I am weary I am not defeated. I still get up and play with Isabella and do all sorts of things with my time, but man I sure wish they would quit adding required courses to this degree I'm currently in.
Monday, August 28, 2006
On the upside the one gentleman I spoke with was very helpful. I called just to change the address on my banking information and he spent a good 20 minutes trying to give me helpful options that the bank will do for only a nominal fee in order to help me raise the balance in my savings account. I knew I couldn't commit to anything today due to still not knowing Nick's wages, but I listened and interacted with him.
It's amazing what you'll do to talk to a grown up when you spend all day with a toddler of limited vocabulary!
Saturday, August 26, 2006
I currently have two favorites. Rachel Ray. I love her simply because she's real. She doesn't look like she eats more than her guests, but she looks like she eats. And she uses ingredients I've heard of, and the majority of her recipes take 30 minutes or less to prepare. She's on my fave list.
But my new favorite as of this week, is Curtis. At first I thought to myself, 'oh great here's the Ty Pennington of the cooking world, how long till he takes off his shirt?'. But Oprah was a repeat and I was bagged so I watched. And I will ne'er divert my eyes.
In the show 'Take Home Chef' which he does on TLC he approaches a woman in a grocery store. Asks her if she's cooking dinner and if so whom for. Then offers to buy her groceries for the meal and go home with her to prepare it. Then he stops at a chef shop while the woman calls her hubby or boyfriend to make sure they know when they'll be home. The get to the lady's house and the cooking starts. This week he made a lot of vegetarian and seafood meals, but they looked so good Nick even mentioned we try one. They cook the food and he gives little tips and finds out about their lives and what makes it hard for them to cook like this everyday and offers some helpful advice, (along with a lot of charm and wit and flirting of course). Then the hubby or boyfriend arrives home and they surprise him, calm him down, assure him his woman is not having an affair and then Curtis serves them both restaurant style. It's such a neat show.
And the recipes are delectable and not too complicated. Check it out on the TLC web page or on TLC everyday at 5:00pm ET.
On Friday I had lunch with a few other moms. One of them is currently displaced. She was working in Lebanon with her husband and two children. They were on a vacation in Spain when the bombings started and were not allowed to go back into Lebanon. They are now back in Canada where she is from, heading to the US where he is from and for the next year they will be living a few months here and a few months there. And they only have what they took with them on vacation. None of their pictures or the stuff of "home" that you look forward to after a vacation. I could not imagine.
And the woman had such grace. Sharing stories of the first time her daughter attended daycare with another woman who is dreading returning to work. Her children still politely asked for what they wanted or needed, even waited to be invited to play with the toys. I think that if I was two years old I would have run in like a kid in a toystore and just started playing with EVERYTHING. When it was offered for her to take some food for their next road trip that day she still declined, not wanting to be a bother. (Fortunately mommy mode kicked in and we made sure they didn't leave without something to tide them over).
The power of women is amazing to me more and more everyday. Men are always crowned as the strong ones, but I am beginning to understand how truly underated the power of women is. It may look like all she had to do was come over for lunch and hang out, but how much personal strength she must have in order for her children to come to a completely strange place and feel safe. To put aside her obvious trials and encourage another. To have nothing and still genuinely turn down necessities because she knows how hard it is to make it these days. I only met her for half an hour, but she sure touched my life forever.
Friday, August 25, 2006
Then the last comment caught my eye: "I didn't realize that you were so ugly......115 lbs what kind of a joke is that . You are an ugly, fat, beached whale. "
It's true, someone wrote that on my blog as an anonymous comment. What do I say to that? Well I could delete it, but that just aids and abets the anonymous coward. I could pretend it hurts me, but in actuality it doesn't. All I can do is just sit in wonder at what sort of person has nothing better to do than to attempt to demean people they don't know. I'm quite curious as to who you are anonymous. Quite curious indeed.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
I met the Dr who will be delivering Baby #2 and he's nice. His name is Dr. Sutherland, and while I'm not sure the world would put him on par with Keifer (whom I don't find all that attractive, but am using him as the attractive example), he is definitely not Donald. I was at first afraid to have a man Dr. What if he was young and hot? I expressed this fear and some folks here told me he's more a grampa type. They lied. Even though he's young enough and nice looking enough that I'll be blushing during my next appointment's Group B Strep test, his personality has definitely won me over. While explaining to me how delivering at G-Town Hospital works and how his practice works he gave Isabella his tape measure to play with. He was totally focused on being my doctor, but he took care of my daugther at the same time. That was so great. Then he gave Belle a Blue's Clues sticker for being so patient during the appointment. High score in doctorland.
And it's a good thing that he scored high because there are many a horror story about G-town Hospital and well, I'm not guaranteed that an anes, anis, anesteez, (you know Dr Epidural), will be in town on the day I deliver. That's right drugs may not be an option depending on if Dr. Epidural is in the building that day. The doctor looked at my history and said he doesn't think it will be a problem, and I didn't have one last time, so he's not concerned. If I come to the hospital in the early stages of labor and it looks like it will be a long time, they will transfer me to a hospital with drugs. But if I come in and I'm in "rip roaring" (his lingo), labor I might be out of luck.
I am measuring at 34, which is exactly where I should be, and the baby's heartbeat has maintained at a healthy 150. I am now at a whopping 163 lbs. Which I actually feel totally fine about. I didn't anticipate that hearing that number would not be accompanied by breathing into a paper bag, but I'm really, really okay with it. I anticpated ending up at between 170-180 and if I continue to gain I'll end up at the lower end of that. It's a long way down to the 115 I have as my post pregnancy weight goal, but I am so up for that challenge!
So, we're now in the final wait. After my next appointment we'll be in the final month! I am already begging for an early baby, feel free to join me! Sitting through church on Sunday was excruciating as my torso just doesn't seem to be as long as this child! I haven't slept through the night in a long time and I think my butt has an imprint of a toilet seat I'm there so often!
I am having a bit of a hard time getting as excited as I did for Belle. It still feels like there's so much time to go and I'm so ready to deliver right now! So I thought I'd follow suit of some others and let's do a baby pool! Make your guess for day, time of day and gender, and name choices. Now we've already got our narrow list of names so I'm not looking for a name, but I've always thought it would be fun to know what other people would name my children, just to see if anyone thinks like me. So your name guess is for the name you think sounds best ending in Franks.
We do not know the baby's gender, so this isn't a fixed contest and the due date I've been given is October 4. For those of you who figure things out scientifically, this is the link to Belle's birth story.
I'm interested to see if anyone can guess right, I know all my guesses on these things are just shots in the dark!
And finally the third floor which belongs to the kids. This is taken with Nick reaching above his head while standing on the stairs. The door you're looking directly into is Belle's room, the door that is closed is a closet and just behind that is the second room. On the left where you can't see there is the bathroom. It's a really small landing leading into the three rooms, it takes about three steps to get from Belle's room to the bathroom.
And that's our home as best I can get! I'll probably have more pics on here of the nursery, once it's not a room of boxes and of Belle's room once we've added some character.
This is the front hallway. Looking at your computer screen, the right hand side has the bathroom, hall closet and closet containing the washer/dryer. The left side has the door to the garage at the far end of the shelf.
This is the bathroom on the main floor. It's taken so the toilet is reflecting in the mirror above the sink, thus doing our best to show the whole water closet. It's decorated in a Coke theme, and yes those pictures are puzzles which we built.
This is the main room on the main floor. It's our living room/office. Please excuse the creative clutter, I'm on a scrapbooking rampage. Just in front of the blue Caillou chair is the stair case leading upstairs, and just behind that chair is the entrance to our kitchen.
And this is the best view of the kitchen I could get. You enter in beside the fridge so it's from the other end. And that's really it. There are patio doors out onto the common area behind the house and there is room in the part you can't see for a small table from Ikea we hope to get soon so we can eat together!
This is the staircase. It's basically an interrupted spiral. In a normal spiral it would just curve around, but in those natural curves they've inserted landings so you can get off at each floor.
Well Blogger has stopped allowing me to upload pictures, I guess I'm at the limit. The pictures of the second and third floors will follow in my next post!
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Monday, August 21, 2006
Being back at the Center of the Universe I am reminded of how weird Ontarians truly are. There are a few things, that while completely normal to the people who live here, are odd to those of us who have not been here forever.
#1- Milk comes in bags. Everyone I know has a fishhook looking device magnet on their fridge that has a sharp edge to it for slicing open the corners of the milk bag. Which is a science in itself. Make the hole to small and it takes hours to pour milk on your cereal, make it to big and you have a splashy mess everytime you try and use it. Now it's true that you can get the 4 litre jugs, but not at grocery stores and they are more expensive because you have to pay the recycling deposit yada yada. So I am trying to get used to using bags again. I'm sure that once we've adopted the fridge in the garage, (another Ontario necessity), which is used soley for beer and milk it won't seem so crazy. But for now having the bottom shelf of my fridge full of bags of milk is weird.
#2. It's not unusual to hear the phrase "Yeah I got that out of the garbage." On a regular basis. And not from homeless people, but from everyone from teenagers, to the thrifty, to the moms who look entirely too prim and proper. In Calgary there is a strict two bag garbage policy. You can only put out two bags per household per garbage pick up and if it doesn't fit in the bag you have to take it to the dump yourself. Not so here in Ontario. It is actually quite common on garbage day to have a pick up truck pull away to take the family to work and school and beside it on the curb there is a pile of garbage as big as the vehicle. And everything goes in there. My friends just picked up a slightly damaged dual glide stroller, a little tykes kitchen and a small playhouse. Get them home, hose them down and give them a good wash and they are as good as new. It's neat. But weird at the same time. To think you go out for a family walk on Tuesday night, (wednesday morning is garbage pick up), and you just start "shopping" as it were. We saw some good stuff, but it was actually garbage, and so we didn't pick it up. Plus, neither of us are quite ready to join the ranks of the garbage pickers. But we'll get there I'm sure.
#3. Turning lanes. Right down the middle of the entire road with arrows pointing which direction you can turn in if you're in the lane at that particular moment, which no one follows. It's odd, but it gets you out of the way of the fast traffic. It's like the third lane that no one really uses properly. Funny.
#4. Usually The Beer Store is located directly beside the LCBO, (the Ontario liquor board store). So you see all these guys going in to pick their fine hard liquor at the LCBO with cases of beer on their shoulders. It's funny. I'm so cool with my MGD and my strawberry schnops. I giggle.
While all these things are funny to me now, in a few months they'll totally be the norm!
Saturday, August 19, 2006
I guess I kind of give it away in that my door is the only one open, but were you quick enough to catch that? We read the ad to rent a townhouse and we didn't have anyone come and look at it or send us pictures before we moved in. The real estate agent who acted as a go between us and the landlords did a walk through to make sure it wasn't a dump and that the appliances were working yada yada. I have to say this is not what I pictured when I saw the front of a townhouse in my mind.
Let me tell you how it works. The two doors at the sides of the staircase are for three bedroom units, while the two doors at the top of the stairs are for two bedroom units. The garage belongs with the three bedroom units and the people in the two bedroom units park in an underground parking garage. So, you walk in our door beside the stairs into a hallway, which is the length of our garage. In that hallway is a half bath, a hall closet and the closet containing the washer and dryer. When you get to the back of our garage you enter the living room/kitchen, then there's a flight of stairs up to the second floor which is just the master bedroom with en suite and you continue up the stairs to the third floor which is a bathroom and two smaller bedrooms. I'll post pictures of this tomorrow, (I haven't taken any yet and Belle and Nick are already in bed).
Now the person who lives in the two bedroom apartment lives above my garage. The staircase is across from the back wall of the garage, so when you stand on the landings in my staircase and lean against the wall I am leaning against a wall shared with the two bedroom apartment which is above my garage and you get into at the top of the stairs.
Did that make sense? Hopefully the other pictures will make it more clear, but for now that's the best I can do to describe it. When I'm in bed on the second floor I can clearly hear the lady in the two bedroom apartment answer the phone after it rings (I can also hear the phone ringing). So it's very tight quarters once again. Not nearly as bad as living under someone, and thankfully the woman who lives above our garage is a single 60 year old woman, so I don't think I'll be listening to too much more "affection" going on.
The house is nice, it just needs a really good cleaning and I am slowly getting there. Luckily there is one window in my home so it's not too hard to clean! The tight quarters mean that there are homes on the other three sides of me, hence no windows. And there are balconies off of the second and third floor so there's no windows. There are sliding doors which need just as much cleaning on the second floor, and same in the kitchen leading to our back shared common area. On the third floor there is an outdoor door in each room leading to the balcony. Not quite ideal for small children, but since Belle is still in a crib we can leave her door open with the screen door closed and locked for safety from burglars and it lets in air as well.
Anywho, I will get the rest of the pics posted tomorrow.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Four years ago today I got married.
Previous to meeting Nick I wanted to be a single girl forever. In highschool I had dreams of being an Interior Designer and had my whole life planned out. I was going to go to design school in the States so as to get more recognition, and since I didn't have any type of trust fund I was planning on doing it Coyote Ugly style. That's right, I actually planned on stripping to pay my tuition bills. Then I would graduate debt free, with the silver lining of a large bank account, I would become a famous designer, (perhaps I even could have been business partners with Nate Berkus). I would attend galas, have a closet full of fancy dresses that I would actually wear on a regular basis, and when I had the house and the cars and life looked perfect on paper I would hop over to my local sperm bank and add the crowning touch, some trophy children. I had it all figured out in highschool.
Then through a series of what seemed to be unfortunate events I ended up broke and needing out of my house. I moved literally across the street to attend Bible College. I continued to hold my highschool plans, but needed to get some money to get across the border and get that rat invested apartment I dreamed of starting out in. Then something started to happen to me and I began to believe that I was worth more than the singles men would be placing in my g-string. But, then some bizarre events happened to me. I was nearly pulled into a suburban by some men while riding my bike on a main street in Regina, I was followed by a, um, ahem, visibly excited male on my way to work which ended up with him, um, ahem, taking care of business without me, thankfully. I dated a guy who didn't want to have anything to do with me unless it involved swapping of saliva, and I found myself working towards that old goal of high heels and drunk men.
Again, through a series of what seemed unfortunate events I ended up back at CBC for a second year, and again I heard God whispering that I was worth more and that I needed the courage to believe it. And that's when I met Nick. And that is when I tried to run. Literally. To Mexico. But God made sure I stayed and gave Nick the perseverance to ask me to marry him again and again until I finally caved and said sure. Now don't get me wrong, I love Nick. I really, really do. But up to that point I had not been sold on the idea of being a wife. I mean guys are smelly. And no matter how many times you express your displeasure with it, they still treat you like "one of the guys" on a regular basis. And when you're a wife you have to adopt the ideals of your husband as he saw modelled in his home, and you inevitably express yourself through what you saw in your home, it's just the default no matter how many times you've said "I will not be my parents".
So a few years later we took the plunge. It made sense to us, it was time for me to jump in with both feet. And I did, crying the whole time. Everyone talks about how great it is to be married, and how much excitement there is leading up to the day, but no one talks about mourning the loss of your singleness and man did I ever need to mourn that. I couldn't imagine thinking of someone else first all the time when there's only one piece of pizza left. Or putting aside money to surprise a man with a trip when I so desperately want a new wardrobe. I couldn't imagine trying to get the mixed up things in my head out, and not only out, but out in Guyspeak. (Side note, my hubby is very much a guy. He's not romantic, even forgot today was our anniversary, so some of this need not apply to the more metrosexual hubby's. I just like to generalize).
And tonight at about 11:00 when I looked over at hubby working on a 3-D puzzle which is his current de-stressor from work, (although it seems to cause more stress, hmmmm), I pointedly said-'Let me know when you're ready for bed and we'll go up together.', and half hour later he said to me......well nothing because he's asleep on the floor next to said puzzle. And I began to think about being a wife, and letting go of my old self. I was distracted by my current scrapbooking project, and then I came back to the thought, and was distracted again and then I felt like journaling and so I picked up my journal and instead of writing anything I re-read my previous entry, the last entry I made, way back on June 11.
And it speaks just of what I was thinking tonight. And I'm going to put it here, because on my fourth anniversary I realize that I haven't totally sold out to being a wife, or the mother of Nick's children, and that is simply not cool with me. I'm writing this entry as a new beginning. That this is my focus for the next year. Not working as it has been for so long. This is the perspective I need to adopt and fall in love with and in essence become.
So feel free to read it if you like, and if you've made it this far-thanks. Feel free to call me on it throughout the year. Ask me how I'm doing with coming into my own as a wife. I am opening myself up for that today, and I think it's the best anniversary gift I can give.
June 11, 2006
I don't know why it takes me so long to remember that I am married and that my husband wants to be my best friend. Two times today I cried and it wasn't until he held my hand silently that I told him what I was thinking. Every time I share my heart with him he amazes me. He doesn't seem to show interest in me much, but each time we talk for real he surprises me with how much he knows me.
I've been reading this book by Max Lucado, 'The Cure for the Common Life" and for the first time ever I feel that the passions I have need to direct my life, not just be put under a barrel so I can help someone else pursue theirs. I think for the first time ever I'm passionate about me.
I have known for a long time that I'm not living a congruent life. That that the things I do are not the things I can excel at, not even the things I want to do. Working just to pay the bills kills me. And because it kills me I don't even effectively pay the bills.
I had so many thoughts while reading tonight's chapter, (11), that I am invigorated and don't even feel tired at 2:45am. God is doing a work in me and although I've whined about being broken a lot lately I actually finally am.
We are scared spitless of covering our financial costs of moving to Georgetown. To think we need nearly $3,000 a month just to scrape by brings both of us to tears and leaves us feeling defeated. But at the same time there is total peace that this is where God is leading and this is the time to go. We may be very broke for a while and I'm sure there will be many days of tears, but I do believe that the non-monetary return on our investment is going to blow us away. I'm still praying and asking God for a knock our socks off financial blessing, but even if I have to wait as long as Sarah did for a child, I will remain faithful to this journey.
Tonights chapter was about giving God your boat, (boat being job), and I think that's where my challenge lies. Instead of daydreaming about how different life could have turned out if I'd just asked out my highschool crush or followed my dream of being an Interior Designer-I need to be sold out to being a mom, wife, friend, housekeeper, etc and give God my boat.
How amazing would life be if instead of chores being chores they became instead preparation to show Christ to my family and friends? How amazing if instead of filling conversations with 'how's the weather' I filled them with what God is teaching/showing/challenging me with? Wouldn't that be cool?
I need to discipline myself until a change of perspective takes over. Instead of whining about paying $1,200 a month for rent, I need to figure out how to make my home look and feel like $1,200 a month is a steal of a deal.
I feel as though I'm on the brink of stepping into myself and become the person God created me to be. And not to be conceited but I think I can finally handle my own greatness.
I know there is a long hard journey ahead of us, but I am beginning to feel like I have the energy for it. I'm beginning to see meaning in the seemingly meaningless.
What a journey. What a crazy, crazy journey.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
I think it has finally hit me that I'm a grown up, and grown ups don't do that.
There are two girls here that I would really like to become "best" friends with. The kind of friends where you know if they've been fighting with their husband simply by the shirt they're wearing. Those kind of friends. So it makes sense that I would have spent time with them in the typical "highschool" fashion in order to achieve this. Except, I haven't and more to the point, I can't.
One of them has just purchased her first home with hubby and they are busy tearing out walls and painting and tearing down trees, etc. etc. and in two weeks the two of them will be starting back to work full time as teachers. Oh, not to mention their 10 month old son. The second of these gals is teaching summer drama camp, about 15 weeks pregnant with TWINS and also in two weeks will be back to work full time as a music teacher. Not to mention that she's very dedicated to spending time with her extended families, all three of which live in town.
And it got me to thinking. How does one go about building "best" friendships as an adult? Seriously, since I moved out of the college dorms four years ago my close friendships have all been maintained online. Not to say I don't have friends in person, but they're more of the 'I'll-see-you-in-church-where-we-have-6-minutes-to-catch-up-on-the-last-six-days-while-minding-our-kids-and-husbands' variety. I keep saying it's because it's summer, and once September hits and everyone gets back to their schedule I'll be able to establish these friendships. And I'm sure that's partially true. It may not be with these two women in particular, but once I find a mom's group and begin faithfully attending the women's morning out and whatever other activities I choose, these friendships will begin to develop.
But I'm wondering, all you grown ups out there, how do you maintain your "best" friend highschoolesque friendships in the grown up world? Is it possible? Or is that an idea of friendship that stays in the yearbooks, and just like us, matures into a different version of itself?
Of course you guys have already figured out it's a scrapbooking store, even if you haven't gone to the link yet, I mean this is me we're talking about. It was just like every other scrapbooking store- way too many things to want and definitely not enough time or money to adequately spend in there. But then as we delved deeper into the store I noticed some unique features. For one, there was more on sale merchandise than I have seen in any scrapbooking store-EVER. And then at the very back the crown jewel-the workshop. That's right. In the middle of the Mall of America women were sitting in a store, in a workshop, scrapbooking. Can you say heaven?
It was such a nifty thing to see. It made me want to run a workshop even more. It made me wish I had spent four years at University doing the "business" degree every other person does until they figure out what they want out of life.
I think I'll start hounding the web site right now to ship orders to Canada. Yes, yes I will. And you should too. Let's start this revolution!
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
At the end of the moving sidewalk they have some exhibits of movies featuring the ocean like Pirates of the Carribean and Titanic. It wasn't that exciting. After that you come directly into the gift shop, (did someone plan that?), and then there's a play structure in the shape of an old treasure ship that the kids can play on. Isabella loved that and I loved getting to sit down for a bit, my feet were sooooo swollen. She picked up the skipping rope and hoola hoop and tried to use them, yet another surprise to me, when did she even see a hoola hoop? She had a great time.
Monday, August 14, 2006
Belle had a few firsts on our trip to Ontario. This picture was taken in North Dakota after her first border crossing, her first dinner at Applebees and her first taste of the good old USA. She really enjoyed her dinner, especially when all the waiters came to sing "Happy Birthday" to a lady at the next table. I cannot believe how excited she got-and remained- even though the celebration wasn't at our table.
Another first was her first time drinking out of a straw. This happened in Minnesota. I had been thinking about teaching her how to so we could start bringing juice boxes on outings instead of potentially leaky sippy cups. We went into a restaurant for dinner and the waiter brought her a kids cup complete with lid and straw. (Up until this point her drinks have been brought in regular glasses and I pour them into a sippy cup.) She was so thirsty she grabbed the glass and started sucking back. She's pretty good at it, except she forgets that she doesn't need to tip the glass, so we're working on it. But I was impressed. I think that the straws, and the coloring mats were the highlight of our trip for her. Now whenever we go out to eat she looks around for crayons. There usually aren't mats to color on at people's homes though. Perhaps it's a trend we'll start.
Friday, August 11, 2006
Monday, August 07, 2006
Then there was the move. Our stuff was supposed to arrive on August 1. However, July 30-August 2 there was a massive heat wave here, talking 47 degrees with humidex and on July 30th the mover's truck broke down--in Peterburough. Thus leaving us without stuff another day. They did manage to find a rental and get our stuff to us on August 2 not any skin off us really, but it was all this hormonal lady could take. While the movers where coming and going, (which took 5 hours to unload what took 2 to load), the internet guy was also there. So I was answering questions, trying to find a cable box, checking off the inventory, telling people where to take things and keeping a 16 month old still. And of course my cell battery died just as it al started!! Drama, drama, drama.
So as you can tell we did get our stuff off the truck. But, the money thing is still very stressful. See, the church decided we would be better served to get an advance on Nick's August paycheck as opposed to a gift of money. Which meant we could pay the deposits on our utilities and get our stuff. But it will still leave us the $900.00 that we were behind still behind to pay September's bills. It totally sucks. Everyone is all "trust in God to provide" and I'm really trying, but each day I know I can't pay the bills brings me to tears and I start thinking about how I can give my kids up for adoption so they can live the life they deserve. It's been very hard.
Which brings me to the final dramatic piece of our move. We had assumed that we were not being communicated with due to distance in terms of Nick's hours and when those hours would be and the specifics of his time here. Turns out we weren't being communicated with because NOTHING HAS BEEN DECIDED. The Sr. Pastor wants Nick involved in every ministry, the Youth guy wants him here for Youth and personal development. So at the moment it would take about 60 hours a week for him to fulfill all the things they are talking about, of which 20 would be paid. And the pay is not going to be as much as they told us so he's going to also have to work 40 hours at his other job to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. So it's going to be a 100 hour work week for him! Yikes.
For thinking this was going to be a year for us to grow as a family, move forward financially and actually spend some time together, I think I just became a single mother of two who will be finding a speed dealer very soon for my husband in order for him to be able to work all he has to. Right now it's not what we thought it would be. And no one seems to want to listen. Everyone has their expectations of Nick, and no one is on the same page so he's not meeting one set, he's meeting about four.
It's going to be a rollar coaster.
And I know you are all wondering about the baby. I think everything is going okay. I was holding off the doctor search until I had a phone I could use, but the reality hit me that I'll be 32 weeks on Wednesday, waiting is no longer an option. There is apparently a really good OB that people in the church recommend, I'm hoping he can see me this week or next. The baby has started to move alot though, maybe he/she just needed to warm up?
Well, when I get my comp up and running on Thursday I'll start writing more pleasant entries I'm sure. We had a nice trip out here that I have a tonne of pictures from.
Thanks for praying and continuing to do so.