I have once again begun trying to go to Ladies Time Out at the church. I started going because the study really, really leapt out at me. We were going to be going through 'A Woman's Guide to Personal Discipline'. This seemed perfect for me right now as this year has been a struggle through disciplining myself. However, the books have not yet arrived, and so the leadership decided to go another way. I was uber disappointed. I'm going to order the study and do it myself. I am also going to continue going to LTO, if for nothing more than a break from my dear two year old.
This week while we were in the midst of the program shift the time was filled with a segment of a DVD series featuring Beth Moore. What a great speaker! Granted, my head hurt a bit from the video as in her enthusiasm it felt like she was yelling the entire time, but I really enjoyed the session.
Especially the line where she said:
'When we trust don't we so often say; God I trust you to do what I say.......... in Jesus name!'
Lately I've been thinking about trust and faith. As you know I began a job as a transcriptionist in July. I am an independant contractor for a firm. I have been given three hours of work in the last six weeks. This does not pay the bills. And so I struggle with the line between trust and irresponsibility. I'm just not sure where it is and as far as a 'feeling' on this issue lately I'm not feeling anything at all. But it's a struggle nonetheless. Should I be looking for another job? Or do I continue to be faithful to do work when it's provided and life as usual when it's not? It's a hard call for me. In the past I've always assumed that the answer is to go out and find another job guaranteeing the bills would be paid. When I talked to hubby he said maybe the reason we keep circling back to this place is because we haven't truly trusted God. We get close to not paying the bills and then find a solution ourselves.
And Beth Moore had so many poignant things to say on the topic. Like how we trust God to do things our way, not really his way, just the solution we can think up.
It's been a very challenging week for me to contemplate this. Still not sure where the line lies between faith and irresponsibility. Still knowing that God is able, but not sure that I don't need to do something in there.