Monday, December 18, 2006

Refreshments anyone?

This weekend was busy. And hard. It probably wasn't as hard as it feels but for the last week Brooklyn has been on some kind of weird hunger strike and so I listen to crying a lot. I'm trying to stick it out and get back to some breastfeeding goodness, but it sure is a trial. Formula is so tempting. Isabella was a formula baby after three months and she is perfectly healthy and well adjusted, and seeing that it's hard to stick it out. But then there's the price tag of formula so I'm not quite ready to give up. But I have used up all the frozen gold I had from the month I pumped as well, we're definitely in the breastfeeding trenches right now. And that does not make for one happy mommy.

We did so many things this weekend. Date night on which we saw 'The Pursuit of Happyness', (which I would highly recommend), and then we window shopped in Chapters which led to me having a small break down. Then on Saturday we did Santa pictures with Belle, errands, writing the Christmas letter, planning a Sunday School lesson, a 3 hour frantic search for a babysitter, the Christmas Cantata at the church, coffee after said Cantata and then visiting with our baby sitters. Sunday we had church, then more errands, then we finally started putting up and lighting the tree and then it was time for the Survivor Finale. We had invited a bunch of people. We get together every thursday with the Sauves to watch Survivor so we knew they would come, but we invited others. None of the other showed up. If I knew they weren't coming I would have been much less stressed and tried to do much less as well. It was hectic. I was up until 2:00 am, each night just trying to gather my wits.

And Brooklyn cried virtually the whole time. And Belle is defintely in the terrible twos.

My dishes haven't been done in a couple days. My house is a mess. My house is not decorated for Christmas. (and if anyone tells me that doesn't matter, you have to let those things go in order to be a mom, I will shoot them), I haven't had time for more than a spit shine shower all week. I'm also having an incredibly hard time with not getting anything for Christmas. I wouldn't say I'm greedy, but everyone works hard all year long and gets spoiled at least one day every year. It's really crushing me that I have to work as hard as everyone else but I don't get that spoiling. I know, I know, I'm the grown up now, I have to be mature. I'm making the right choice. That extra money we were given for Christmas should go to paying off debts not buying stuff. We're making the right choice I know. But it hurts, and I'm not hypocritical enough to pretend it doesn't.

I probably wont be posting again anytime soon I imagine. This breastfeeding thing is going to bring me to my knees, (and to tears), many times over the next while I'm sure. And on that note I better go pick up my wailing infant so she can refuse to eat even though she's obviously hungry. What's a girl to do?

Here's a picture from our Family Christmas Picture Shoot which took place at the church with a friend of ours taking pictures. We thought Isabella would melt down less if she knew the photographer and a familiar place. Not so much.


Angella said...

Oh, Amanda. I know I don't know you in person, but I really care about you and wish I could give you a big HUG!

Amanda said...

"Through many dangers, toils and snares I have already come..."

You have all of my empathy in the breastfeeding troubles. Seriously, I shed my share of tears and hope Brooklyn snaps out of her strike soon. You are doing a great job of being a momma, even though it's hard to be responsible and mature sometimes.
Your Christmas letter is's weird to see your head higher than Nick's in that top photo. :)