Tea for Two, or Twelve!

For Isabella's fifth birthday we threw a Princess Tea Party. She invited her sisters and all the girls in her class. It was a great time with 12 little princesses crammed into our living room, (I had planned a bunch of outdoor games, but it rained!). Here are just a few pictures, I didn't want to put any with faces other than my girls on here! It doesn't really show the charming chaoticness, but I bet you can imagine! I'm just a bit too tired today to put them in any order. I'll see if I can squeeze in comments though. For some reason it's not letting me type in between the pictures. But there you have it. Food, games, crafts, gifts and giggles. And one very happy five year old girl!

The Path is Paved

I started this week off with totally good intentions. Working out, blogging, house work- the whole nine yards. I have done absolutely nothing. Well not nothing, I read a zillion books, fed and bathed children, made it to bus stops and doctors appointments and cuddled sick children. But I didn't make it to the gym even once, fell right back off the bloggin' wagon and my house, um, let's leave that subject alone for now! You know that old saying about good intentions, hopefully I can change them into reality and start heading the right direction!

Shining Example

About two weeks ago Isabella got her first shiner. I was out of the house, but apparently she jumped over Nick's legs while goofing around and fell forward bouncing her eye socket off of Nolan's head. So the story goes that Nolan didn't even flinch.

It amazes me that just weeks shy of her fifth birthday Isabella is sporting a shiner for the first time. I recently sorted through a million photos and I am pretty convinced that Brooklyn spent her entire second year with a black eye or bruised forehead or rug burned chin. Its like comparing apples and oranges those two.

Isabella loved to recount the story at church and let everyone know exactly what happened. She was rather happy with the attention I think. Which is fine, as long as her story doesn't end with: 'But you should see the other guy!".

Re-LENT-less

March finds one in the midst of the Lent season. For a long time I thought that celebrating Lent merely meant giving up something in order to suffer. It made sense in my mind. What better way to focus on Easter and what Christ did on the cross than by voluntarily suffering? I never got much out of Lent.

A few years ago I learned that my perception of Lent was only half the picture. I had the giving up part right but I was missing out on the filling up. The whole picture of Lent involves not only giving something up, but filling that void with God. So to abstain from chocolate, or TV, or afternoon naps for 40 days in hopes of growing closer to an understanding of the Passion of Christ is most likely missing the mark.

I've had one good Lent experience. It was the Easter after Brooklyn was born, so 2007. I had Isabella and Brooklyn in my care and was in morning sickness/incredible exhaustion mode due to being pregnant once again. Every day around 3:00 I would be ready to throw in the towel. Since that wasn't an option I would head to the pantry, grab a can of Coke, down it in about 3.5 seconds and get on with the day fueled by caffine and sugar. The day was good. Until about 5:30 when inevitably the effects would wear off and let's just say our days were not ending up in a happy place.

For Lent I decided to kick the Coke habit and replace it with prayer. I'm pretty sure that if you stopped by our house during that season of Lent you would have found me on my knees at 3:30 like clockwork, crying out for some divine help, complete with weeping and gnashing of teeth supplied by my babes.

And it was so worth it. Not only to have nixed the daily sugar high and inevitable crash, but also to have learned that the power of the Holy Spirit is there for me all day long, whenever I need it, whatever the circumstances, to get me from strength to strength. The days didn't stop being tiring, the kids didn't start feeding and bathing themselves and then skipping off happily to bed. But I was able, because HE is able, to do those tasks required of me with joy and energy.

Since then I haven't had a good Lent experience. I struggle to find another vice that I have need to rid myself of. But as I pause to consider the 'filling up' side of Lent I know that I have so much further to go in growing closer to God and perhaps I need to shift my focus from throwing things off to putting things on.

Miss Fancy Pants

There is a great bunch of books called "Fancy Nancy", by, um, I forget. They are wonderful stories that say things like; "Mad is too plain for how I feel, I am furious!" and "When I tell my best friend I can't come to her birthday party she is heartbroken." or "I am an azure butterfly. Azure is a fancy word for blue." The whole concept of the book is to teach kids big words without it seeming overwhelming. The illustrations are amazingly fun and the story lines are cute.

Nancy, in the story, is a girl with wildflowers in her hair and a million accessories. She is in fact Brooklyn's twin. (Well maybe minus the wildflowers.) Brooklyn changes outfits at least four times a day. She always has on a headband, one ring, one bracelet, carries a cell phone and the rest varies day by day. We recently received a bag of hand-me-downs containing a tankini, I think size 7. Much too big for either of the girls to wear. Brooklyn has yet to take it off. She wears it like a tank top, which its big enough for, and she matches the rest of her clothes to it. I let her wear it to church, its just a phase right? I put it right back in her drawer after I wash it and when she discovers it she exclaims; "This is my bestest shirt ever, I have never seen it in so long!"

If you're doing something you shouldn't be, Brooklyn will remind you that there is a consequence. If there are toys on the floor that she does not want to pick up she will inform me that it's Bella's responsibility. Where this girl comes up with these big words, I have no idea ;)

She is over-dramatic. She is full of energy. She is hard to keep up with. Every day has a cute storyline with her. She is one Fancy Nancy.

Captured!

I take a lot of pictures, I'm in the thick of organizing like 20,000 of them. Literally. I like most of them. I love many. I could sit and stare for days at a few of them and this is one of those pictures. All on it's own without any story to back it this picture makes me giggle. It makes me want to smoosh Katy up in a huge hug. It just warms the cockles of my January cold heart.

We went to an indoor play center for a birthday party this weekend. There were tonnes of things to climb on and slides, a rock wall to climb, cool bike thingys to drive, a few other play centers I don't know how to describe and a dress up center. Katy and I were going down slides together and in the midst of our running around we found this discarded costume. She put it on and kept on playing. After she wore it a few moments I tried to get her to put it back for other kids to play with and she looked at me quite seriously and said 'My Monkey!'. We convinced her to take it off when it was time for lunch, but she found it again right away and wore it until we left.

I love that she loves to dress up. I love that she likes to do what makes her happy without pausing to consider what others might think. I love that it brought her so much joy. I love that I was there to share it with her. I love that it is forever captured on 'film'.

First time for Everything

I am one of those crazy people who loves winter. I love bundling up in extra sweaters. I love running inside for hot chocolate after being outside. I love the comfort food I make for dinner. I love watching snow fall. I love how excited Isabella gets when she makes snow angels. I love all the celebrations and get togethers that come along when there is snow on the ground.

But not this year.

It has been so cold, and up until last night I could still see grass in my neighbor's back yard. The most time I've spent outside is waiting at the bus stop and that is just not enjoyable. I think this may be the first year I've ever experienced the January blahs. And you know what? All you winter bah-humbugers can have them back! I am not a fan. Not at all.

And the main thing that makes the difference seems to be the lack of white stuff. Not having a few feet of snow around seems to have let the cold air go straight to my heart. I need it back to insulate my reverie.

I want to enjoy the winter season. Being stuck inside with the ones you love, extra time to scrapbook and read. Warm foods and warm drinks. I think I'm going to have to reclaim my love for winter, with or without the snow!

Family Funnies

When everyone is playing quietly, GET SUSPICIOUS!

Side note: Nolan totally did this to himself, he found a capless marker and was trying to get it in his mouth.

Singing with Meaning

I try to make a point of not singing a spiritual song unless I know what it means in my heart. There's a lot of songs based on really great theology and while I know the words I don't really know it and those songs I mostly just listen to and ponder. I find that knowing what the words mean in my heart helps me to connect with the song and really enter into a worshipful spirit on Sunday mornings.

This week we sang a song that I like and a phrase has stuck out to me: 'as I wait I'll rise up like the eagle'. I think I know what that means in my heart, about pressing on in tough situations without letting them have victory over you. But I have been questioning all week whether I know what it means in my life. When I think of things I am waiting on the Lord for, how can I rise up? What does that look like? Can other people see that I'm rising like the eagle, or should they be able to? If I mean what I sing on Sunday morning then my life should reflect it and this week I've been wondering if it does.
(These pics are of the girls in concert. Brooklyn making a surprise appearance at the church concert and Belle at her first school concert.)

Must be Santa

This year I learned a lot about Santa. Mostly from Isabella who has become quite informed since entering school. Did you know that you tell Santa what you want for Christmas and then he brings it for you? (Note to self: take kids to see Santa before doing Christmas shopping next year.) Isabella had a long list, mostly consisting of Barbies and Hannah Montana. Barbies I get, it's an inevitable rite of passage. But who told her about Hannah Montana? Not I. Isabella would decide she wanted something for Christmas and therefore begin asking if we could go to the Mall to let Santa in on her updated list. Too funny. She has not yet made the connection that she can also pester me relentlessly about what she wants to receive which is great! Nolan has no clue. Absolutely. No. Clue. People whom he does not know hold him all the time.
It took a bit of coercing to get Brooklyn to sit with Santa. As soon as she realized she could sit on a stool in front of him she agreed. Then I gave her a candy cane and told her I would open it once she smiled for the picture. If you look closely you can see her trying to get it open while the picture is being taken. Kathryn ran screaming for the hills, literally, hence the reason she is not in this picture. Next year we'll have two kids in school and I wonder what new things about Santa I will learn, and how many times we'll have to go to the mall. ;)

Unexpexcted

From June 2004 to June 2009 I spent 165 of 260 weeks pregnant. Which roughly translated means I spent 3 of the last 5 years knocked up. I wasn't all that good at being pregnant. I don't think anyone would try and keep a straight face long enough to say that I ever 'glowed', and I was uncomfortable, tired and grouchy. The return on those three invested years were well worth it, and I don't miss it. But I am having a hard time letting go.

Since before we even started thinking about making children a reality in our lives Nick and I have always wanted four kids close together in age and we have been blessed with just that! I do have a bit of a sad spot that Nolan is the only boy, but I'm sure he will have many 'brother's' outside our gene pool. It really has been amazing how quickly our dreams of a family became our reality, and although they aren't the 4 rough and tumble boys I pictured in my head in my pre-baby days they are the perfect kids for us!

And now it's time to move on to the next phase of life. Which I didn't expect to be hard. I have become so comfortable living in this space: being physically uncomfortable, not sleeping, living in 9 month chunks, nasuea, stretchy waistbands, swollen feet. When I thought of what I would be leaving behind that is what I thought of. I forgot about being included in the joy of the unknown expectation and being an integral part of God's amazing work of creation. While I was in the thick of it I thought more about freedom from heart burn than the tug of heart strings.

I am excited to see what the future brings, but this hard time saying good bye to the past is unexpected.

Sugar and Spice

Here are some pictures of our most recent photo shoot. The shoot was meant to document Nolan turning six months old and Kathryn turning two, but since you need three shots for the package we dressed up the other two as well. The photographer wasn't anything inspiring, but these girls were ready for their close up and once Nolan got the camera to himself he started having fun! Happy Celebrations Everyone!

Supersize Me!

I love, love, love that we have a 'big' family. I know that when you compare us to the Duggers and the like we are a teeny family, but I do believe we fall in, or at least near, the category of today's big families. And I really enjoy it.This week we did many family things; our Christmas card photo shoot, a meal in a restaurant (gotta love kids eat free!), Operation Christmas Child boxes, family movie night at Belle's school and tomorrow the kids and I are headed for the Santa Claus Parade! It's been a full week, full of fun, full of family. I love that we don't necessarily have to find other people to hang out with, (although we enjoy that just as much). The kids play with each other, they feed off each others moods and every now and then they run back for a little snuggle. I like that they look after each other in crowds and whenever we go anywhere the first thing they do is introduce their siblings, (even to random strangers in the grocery check out line).I am glad we were able to stick out the craziness of newborn days and decide to 'go down that road again' three more times! There are many days I don't have a clue how I'll get through, but I am so thankful that I do because I couldn't imagine our family with even one less person.

Contemplations

There is a great study tool that I was introduced to a while ago. It's called The Truth Project and it is a set of material from Focus on the Family. The basic premise of the study is answering this question: Do you really believe that what you believe is really real?

I've gone through all the material once and am on my second round of small group study with it. So many thoughts, questions, internal conversations all ring in my head and I want to share them, but I find myself struggling to put them into coherent thought patterns. I'm going to keep trying, but for now here are two video clips shown in this week and last week's sessions. Instead of me telling you what I think, tell me what you think.

Watch this.

and This.

I got a haircut. I know it's a good haircut because people did double takes and someone exclaimed; "Amanda, I didn't even recognize you!". I like getting good haircuts.

I've just been through one of the busiest quarter ends since I started my transcriptionist job in August 2006. It has been hectic and I'm a bit brain fried right now. It was also well worth it.

I am trying to get into a regular rhythm of blogging and although I can't think of much to say I needed to keep the rhythm and post something about myself on 'all about me monday".

I am going to see Twilight on Sunday. I may or may not be a little too excited.

I am going to be a single parent for 96 hours this week while Nick goes away to Atlanta. I have something planned each day and am actually looking forward to our events. Sad that Nick will miss them, but happy that I can continue to live life to the fullest with four kids sans husband.

I am going to bed.

The Evolution of a Name

Just before school started for Bella this fall I wrote her name on a cardboard box and she copied it. I thought to myself; "My kid is amazing!".

Then school started and she began learning letters. "I" became a stick with a hat and shoes. When asked to write her name she did: "I". A little Zorroesque if you ask me. Three strokes quick as lightning.
(They're at the wrong side of the line there, hard to see, sorry)

Since then she has been learning more and more letters and her name continues to evolve. (The 's' are usually backwards and being a leftie she starts at the right and goes to the left most often).
I wonder how long it will be before she can write the whole thing perfectly.

Intrinsic or Extrinsic

One thing I find about being a stay at home mom is that it is seriously easy to be lazy. It's a bit of a paradox really: the comparison of self with others and the weight of expectations put upon the SAHM shoulders is not balanced but rather almost erased by the belief that we need to put ourselves first, take care of our needs so we can take care of others and that everything on our plate is nearly impossible so really, let a few things slide, for sanity's sake.

At the bus stop last week another mom of small children told me I could show up in my underwear and she would still be impressed that I managed to get to the bus stop on time. And the weird thing is, that is tempting. Not necessarily to show up in my underwear but to believe that people wont judge me if I do show up that way simply because I showed up and that in itself is a feat. To let myself not judge me for how I show up, to be glad simply that I did.

Husbands who work just as hard as we do are constantly reminded to encourage and support, that the job of a SAHM is so all encompassing. To come home and not ask; "what did you do all day?". But my suspicion is that many of them stew and harbor negative feelings that their shirts aren't ironed or they should let their wives sleep on Saturday mornings as a way of saying thank you.

I've often wondered why I don't feel the same push to be 'successful' at my current job the way I did when working in an office or even cleaning other people's homes. In discussion a phrase was introduced to my vocabulary: intrinsic motivation. Defined by Wikipedia intrinsic motivation: "comes from rewards inherent to a task or activity itself -the enjoyment of a puzzle or the love of playing." and it is in opposition to extrinsic motivation: "coming from outside the performer, ie money, coercion, threat of punishment."

In this discussion I came to the conclusion that being a people pleaser I am definitely not intrinsically motivated. Lose some weight? Why, no one expects me to be wearing skinny jeans. Get my house white glove clean? Why, everyone knows and understands and appreciates that it will be messed up again the moment it is clean. Learn a new skill? Why, I'm much too busy teaching little people new skills.

A friend of mine who is much wiser than she gives herself credit for was having this conversation with me and off handedly said; as Christians shouldn't we ultimately be trying to please God? If only she knew how deep she was.

I find it mind blowing that I love to do things for other people and yet find it so hard to do things for the most important people in my life. That I tend to groan about washing a floor or am known to say; 'I can't do it ALL, give me a break!" (when it ALL would consist of emptying the dishwasher and running a vaccuum over the carpet).

So maybe I'm not extrinsically motivated, but rather intrinsically motivated and in truth I don't do things because I just don't want to. I think that's a hump to get over.

W is for Walt

I find that a lot of people start talking about mid winter trips this time of year. There seems to be an inevitable group of people who will begin to share the anticipation of their trek to Florida or California as soon as the first snowflakes flutter. We are not taking such a trip this year, but one day we will.

I think maybe I've shared my dream family vacation before but I've been thinking about it a lot as I get to know some families who regularly make the drive down to Florida. The families I know don't go to experience DisneyWorld but that's what I think of whenever someone says they're headed that direction.

I am so stoked that in the year 2017 we will be taking an all-out-vacation-to-end-all-family-vacations. You must be thinking I'm crazy to be excited about a trip that is 8 years away, but I am. When I go shopping and am holding something awesome in my hand I stop and think, 'Do I want this more than DisneyWorld?' and often the answer is no. So back on the shelf it goes.

I've already started planning the basic itinerary. Christmas morning the kids will wake up and rush downstairs to find the bottom of the tree empty. And when they burst into our room to weep and wail and gnash their teeth at the injustice of it all they'll find us sitting on a pile of luggage, grinning ear to ear. And we'll tell them we're heading to DisneyWorld and they'll catch our excitement. Each day will feature a different child with a me and mom date in the morning and a me and dad date in the afternoon while everyone else just hangs out. Dinners at restaurants featuring menus that that particular child will want one of everything off of. Evenings renting movies in our hotel room, or going to shows, or something as a family. We'll stay in some ridiculously over-priced theme suite on New Year's Eve and catch the fireworks and really feel like 2018 will be a magical year for us. We'll fall asleep feeling like princes and princesses in our castle and wake up ready to make the best of every day and every moment of the coming year.

It's going to be awesome. I can't wait to see how it unfolds once we put details into dreams.

What's your dream vacation?

Introducing Nolan James Franks

I sort of fell off the face of the blogging planet with Nolan's arrival. I think part of the reason for my lack of desire to blog was a feeling of responsibility to stick to blogging etiquette and announce the arrival or our newest member with their birth story. Since this particular story begins with me passing out simply thinking about getting an IV, (yes I literally blacked out while waiting to be hooked up to the pitocin) and ends with my OB literally up to her elbows in me scrapping pieces of flesh off my uterus, I didn't exactly make finding time to share that story a priority. ;)

One thing this particular birth experience created for me was an overwhelming sense of gratitude for doctors who care. Our family doctor has ALS and his disease had progressed to the point that he could no longer deliver babies. When he shared the news with us I joked that he could still deliver our baby as he missed the arrival of both Brooklyn and Kathryn by mere moments so it would just be our usual routine. It began as a joke but by the end of my delivery experience I truly wished he could have been there. The OB I was referred to didn't show up to deliver Nolan although she was paged 3 times. Instead she chose to look at real estate. The second thing Nolan's birth created for me was an overwhelming sense of gratitude for labour and delivery nurses! Mine were the best. One of them attends our church and just happened to be taking a break from overseas work and the other is my twin, apparently. These ladies got me through the roughest four hours of my life, and did so with smiles on their faces even though they were stressed out.

I find it hard to believe that Nolan has already been here five months, but at the same time I forget how old he is. Being that he is significantly bigger than the girls I think of him as older. I keep on trying to sit him up for pictures and he has to flop over before I remember he's not that capable yet.

A lot of people ask me what gender differences I'm noticing and the answer so far is none. Well, it's a lot harder to keep him full. He's already on solid foods and he eats a lot, but not often, he also likes to sleep. He eats breakfast, lunch, dinner and before bed at 7. And he already sleeps 12 hours a night. Such a blessing.

Nolan has brought so much laughter to our lives. We are generally a happy bunch. We get comments about how happy our kids are regularly, but Nolan laughs out loud. He giggles at his sisters. His eyes twinkle. He is truly the perfect punctuation on the sentence of our family. I am so excited to see his personality emerge as he moves on from infancy.

Identity Crisis

"What is man that you are mindful of him
and the son of man that you care for him?"
Psalm 8:4

So often when I read the above verse I read with cynical and sarcastic undertones. It just makes sense to me that the Bible, a story full of God's awesomeness, would point out the folly in humanity saying 'check me out!'. But as I spend time gazing upon the face of God I have come to hear it differently. I picture in my mind some surfer dude who just caught the sickest wave, completely soaked in water and wonder of the Creator of that water waxing poetic: 'WHAT IS MAN?"

It causes me to pause for a moment and consider that I am made in His image. He took an itsy bitsy bit of what He is and fashioned me out of it. Little nuggets of everything that makes God so awe-inspiring and He put that in each one of us. How cool is that?

I will confess that I am a somewhat insecure person. I do struggle with believing that I am worthy, that I am a self to esteem. But thinking of it in light of the knowledge that God created me in His image I have to see that it's not just a monkey on my back, it is something that grieves the heart of my Creator. I struggle to see how worthy I am because I don't fully comprehend how awesome He is. To truly know myself I have to first deeply know Him, what an amazing purpose- to spend my life learning who He is and who I am in Him.

I often get caught up in the 'me' bits of life. What has God called me to do? What is 'unique' and 'masterpiece' about me? What part of the body am I? It has dawned upon me that this is a pretty selfish perspective. I should be searching for God's agenda and how I can aid it, not how I can be me, but how He can use me.

With our family now completely the way we always dreamed it would be I find myself in an identity crisis. If I'm not an incubator, who am I? I am in awe that I find myself wondering these things and that God had already laid out the answers for me before I asked the question.

"Who am I that you are mindful of me?
That you hear me, when I call.
Is it true that you are thinking of me?
How you love me, it's amazing!"
-Israel Houghton-