From June 2004 to June 2009 I spent 165 of 260 weeks pregnant. Which roughly translated means I spent 3 of the last 5 years knocked up. I wasn't all that good at being pregnant. I don't think anyone would try and keep a straight face long enough to say that I ever 'glowed', and I was uncomfortable, tired and grouchy. The return on those three invested years were well worth it, and I don't miss it. But I am having a hard time letting go.
Since before we even started thinking about making children a reality in our lives Nick and I have always wanted four kids close together in age and we have been blessed with just that! I do have a bit of a sad spot that Nolan is the only boy, but I'm sure he will have many 'brother's' outside our gene pool. It really has been amazing how quickly our dreams of a family became our reality, and although they aren't the 4 rough and tumble boys I pictured in my head in my pre-baby days they are the perfect kids for us!
And now it's time to move on to the next phase of life. Which I didn't expect to be hard. I have become so comfortable living in this space: being physically uncomfortable, not sleeping, living in 9 month chunks, nasuea, stretchy waistbands, swollen feet. When I thought of what I would be leaving behind that is what I thought of. I forgot about being included in the joy of the unknown expectation and being an integral part of God's amazing work of creation. While I was in the thick of it I thought more about freedom from heart burn than the tug of heart strings.
I am excited to see what the future brings, but this hard time saying good bye to the past is unexpected.