Great Expectations.

This weekend we got new neighbors. We live in a fourplex and the boys who lived about us moved out. We are very greatful for that as they had a lot of parties and we actually had to call the police as one was beating up his girlfriend. In their place a young couple has moved in. I say young becuase I am not a good judge of age, and because they aren't married I'm going to stay they're still young. They are expecting their first baby any minute now. In fact it's been quiet up there all day, I wonder if they're at the hospital!

The young lady came down to introduce herself, (her name is Marilyn), and she was just glowing. You could see the nervous excitement on her face. It brought me back to March 2005 when we were moving into this apartment, me a week overdue already, just longing to meet the little one but a bit scared of the labor and delivery part. Nervous excitement.

I can't imagine feeling that way again. Which is odd because I already should be feeling that way! I have to confess that I am having a hard time connecting with the fact that I am pregnant. I feel more like I have the bird flu! My puking got so intense I begged for a prescription of doxylamine and once I had it I began to feel the constant fear that I was harming my child. For some reason this has caused me to not connect with the little on inside me. The puking subsided, but started again on Monday and I feel awful again. I actually cried today and told my husband with certainty I cannot do this for six more months! I jokingly told a friend or two that I had lost 10 pounds from all the puking, I just wanted to express how much I had been puking. But after it stopped I stepped on the scale and to my horror found that I had lost 8 pounds! I had always thought that pregnancy got less stressful each time around, but I have come to the conclusion that since each child is as precious, every pregnancy should be just as stressful! What a huge gift and responsibility that is growing inside.

I have my first pre-natal appointment on April 20th. I will be 17 weeks by then. I saw my family doctor a few times in hopes he can ease my sickness, but the guy is a tool. I can't wait to be in the hands of competant doctors. I can't wait to hear that precious heartbeat. I can't wait to see that ultrasound scan.

I know there are many praying for our unborn child, and I have no reason to think there is something wrong, as many would say "a sick mom is a healthy baby". I have already begun to feel the little flutters of movement, which is awesome. Not often, but in those quiet moments when I'm being still and I know that God knows how full of fear my heart is, He gets that little baby to shake it.

I think I might leave our apartment door open today, just in case a new baby enters the building. Although I'm sure we'll hear the crying when they do get home! So much excitement, so much nervousness. How exciting for the couple upstairs, and for us.