And Not to be Outdone......

In the blink of an eye, Kathryn started rolling over this week. She was playing on the floor and I went to make lunch- when I returned she was on her stomach! She's been rolling from her front to her back since about three months, which is just craziness to me! The day after she rolled over she got up on all fours and started rocking back and forth. She's only done that once, but I'm holding my breath-is she going to be an early walker? With two little people to chase after already I'm enjoying her immobility. Watching someone learn skills for the first time does not get old though. It was just as exciting to have Nick whip out the camera to take pictures of Katy's first roll-over as it was for Isabella's. I wonder what she'll be doing next.

Cathartic

This is one of my most favorite pictures of Brooklyn. I love that it was spontaneous and her smile far outweighs the scar on her forehead.

I have watched quite a few movies which I would classify in the 'cathartic' genre. The ones that aren't necessarily made to cause you to weep, but should you be in that place in your soul, it will evoke enough emotion that the floodgates can burst wide open and you just have a good cry, which sometimes is all you need.

'The Holiday'; 'Reign Over Me'; and 'P.S. I Love You' were the movies that provided this retreat for me over the past few days. I have been in a frame of mind which causes me to carry the burdens of others without being asked or invited; without knowing the degree to which its affecting the actual person it affects; and my sharing of the load probably means little to nothing to the person in the situation.

It has been so much easier lately to carry other people's "stuff". Not because I'm hiding or running from anything in my life, but because they actually have "stuff" to carry. I live a very mundane life right now. The same schedule day in and day out; butt wiping after butt wiping; meal after meal; bedtime routine ad naseum. I find it a struggle to remember that my "stuff" is just as important as the dramatic "stuff".

These movies were especially cathartic for me this week because all of the drama caused in them was a result of terrible pain and loss. I already know how fragile life is and I do greatly appreciate the little things; but these movies were a Hollywoodesque exclamation point to what I already know, and it was good for the soul.

I'll never get over the incredible plumber's butt both Isabella and Brooklyn have. When do they get hips!

Mother's Day.

Bags and Shoes

Raising three girls is going to bring me way out of my comfort zone as I learn to view this world through their eyes.

Fact: I own less shoes than my husband.
Fact: Our closet is split 60/40 in his favour.
Fact: I think practical when dressing the kids not fashionable.
Fact: I like to call my hairstyle swept up, but its real name is lazy.

Isabella already loves accessories. She will wear a hat anywhere and in any situation. She has already asked me for a (working) cell phone. She likes lipstick so much she'll colour her lips with marker to get the desired effect. In our front hall closet there are a tonne of shoes; I'd say 50 pair, 7 of them belong to me.

I think I'm going to like getting more in touch with my feminine side though. The above shoes are for Isabella and the upcoming wedding she is in as flower girl. I had been on the hunt for the 'perfect' pair of shoes, and was actually giddy when I found these.

Girly might not be so bad afterall.

Without

April 4th wasn't the best night in my life. It wasn't traumatic and is not on my list of Top Ten Things I Would Only Wish on my Worst Enemy, but it isn't a night I'd like to return to, ever. The details aren't all that important, but the night began with me taking all three girls to Costco and it ended with us waiting in our dead van for Nick to rescue us. Rest in peace, Ford Aerostar, we will miss the convenience of you.

Since then we have been 'without'. Shortly after the fateful evening our Bible Study group was talking about excess. How we should each have a garage sale and instead of spending the money on a treat; give it to a charity or use it to reduce debt. During that conversation someone deemed a vehicle as a necessity, rather than a luxury, in our society. If we lived in some parts of Mexico or Africa a vehicle would be a luxury. Yet here it is a necessity.

Shortly after our van died we poured over our finances, trying to decipher how we pause our debt reduction efforts and stretch our selves to the limits in order to afford a car payment. We were looking at financing because in our situation it would be the wisest way to spend money we don't have. We found a vehicle that fit our needs, and attempted the credit process. It didn't work. We could look around and see the difficult financing situation the economy is in and find solace in that, but really being denied a debt is a blessing.

A few weeks later a sermon was preached in our church about prayer. Focusing on a cycle: we pray in faith, our prayers are answered, our faith increases, we pray for bigger things. When broaching the subject of how to pray the preacher stated: pray for specific things. (It makes sense, how else will you know if your prayer is being answered?). Nick felt led that we should be praying for a vehicle to be provided for us without us having to go further into debt and that the vehicle would be provided when we needed it.

At this juncture we do not have one. But we have yet to miss church, we have not had to haul home groceries in the rain. Our insurance policy allows us to pay a premium without a vehicle so we don't have a gap in our insurance, the scrap yard gave us enough for the van to cover our bill for the attempted repairs. Our next door neighbor, whose name I don't even know, has lent Nick his truck to get to and from work each day, one of the pastors at the church has been lending us their van the way a parent would generously give to their own children.

While being without a vehicle has been hard on me, (I definitley have felt 'without'), I have surely felt the peace of all the negative things I am truly 'without' in this circumstance. To have been approved for financing would have been more debt to shoulder. It has caused me to cast light upon all the things we have been afforded; provided for, taken care of, remembered when we're not in the room, loved.

I feel as though I should feel guilt that I have children and cannot provide something that the society I live in deems necessary. Instead I feel trust, that in the end, before the burden becomes too much to carry, we will be provided for. That security is something I hope to never be without.

In a Toy Shop

Perseverance

Wikipedia defines perseverance as a term for human endearance and if they thought to put a picture with their definition, Nick would be it. For almost ten years now Nick has been pursuing his call to ministry. It is a call confirmed by many who know him and strangers alike.

We've spent the time we've been in Ontario actively pursuing this call. Nick has been doing an apprenticeship and it is amazing the growth in him over the last 20 months. In writing a letter to the church to thank them for our time here I said; "truly he came to you a beaten lump of clay, and now by God working through each of you he is a jar ready for God's purposes for him." Sadly, Nick's time to be apprenticed has come to an end. To the surprise of many Nick is not yet an accredited worker in the Alliance. At his interview in January it was deemed that he knows all he needs to know, but it gets a little lost in translation between his brain and his mouth.

Life keeps on keepin' on though and while we haven't quit this pursuit it's a bit on the back burner right now. Nick is working on his explaining and interview skills while working a new job doing demolition for a construction crew. As a family we've decided to spend the next year just working and living, taking care of each other first. We are always open to God's timing and have no idea how long this breather will last, but we are determined to continue growing without moving on.

It amazes me daily how much Nick continues to give to this decade long process and as we wait to see when the next step begins I find much peace in this Proverb:

"There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the Lord. The horse is made ready for the day of battle, but victory rests with the Lord." (Prov. 21:30,31).

We know that Nick has been called by God and on God's timing he will bring this call to fruition. I am so proud of Nick today for continuing on against all odds to be what God wants him to be.

Why I love Sundays

There are a myriad of reasons I love Sundays, but here are the two that top the list. I love dressing these two little cuties for Sunday mornings. Their wardrobes rock in comparison to mine and they wear it so well! On this particular Sunday Nick was at the Men's Retreat and we hit up Mickey D's for lunch. The girls got their rockin' happy meal toys, a microphone and an iPod. They didn't put them down all day, they were even in their beds for naptime.

Brooklyn has not yet learned the art of cheesy grins.

AHHHHHHH! The shoes, they're too cute. I can't wait for the teenage years, I can only hope we all wear the same size shoe.

Transparent & Vulnerable

Don't you love it when your spouse makes a suggestion that you can't find a way to back out of? Last week we headed out to get pictures of the kids taken and had planned again to get a shot of Katy, a shot of Brooklyn and a shot of the sisters. Isabella's hair was incredibly awful so when she said she wanted to wear a toque I said sure. I then attempted to negotiate with her on which toque she would wear. She wore her regular winter toque, not the cute one I had picked out to match her shirt. When it came time for the photo she insisted on a prop, hence the flower. It has no meaning or explanation other than the fact that Isabella is Three.



As we walked over to the photo studio I was thinking about Isabella's wardrobe choices. Just as I settled within myself that having a picture of her just as she is would be wonderful, Nick threw me a curveball.



'Honey, do you think we could get a family picture today instead of one of the girls?' (Cue batting eyelashes).



I stammered, I paused, I searched, I begged for a good excuse to say no. I think you could say I've been a leettle overwhelmed as of late with the care of my family and personal hygiene has been shoved back on the shelf a bit. I'm not proud of it and I'm not sure why I feel compelled to even share this detail. I only managed a spit shine shower before heading out for photos, not thinking anything of it, I mean I was not going to be in the picture!.



Yet in good conscience I couldn't deny this request. How could I put my daughter in front of the camera just as she is and not be willing to do the same myself. I may blow up that picture and paste it upon my fridge as motivation to do something about the fugliness, but then again I may be able to draw upon enough grace to realize that nothing in that picture is fake. Not my wardrobe nor my lack of primping, especially not my smile.



We are happy, happy as pigs in slop I suppose.



Hopefully next time that happiness will show up with a matching hair-do and not hiding behind her children. For this part of the journey there is waging a war and I'm a soldier straight out of training camp.

Wholly Moley

This is Kathryn's four month shot. Don't you just want to put that gaze in a frame and look at it all day long? This month she wouldn't pose any which way, all she wanted to do was snuggle her Poppa, so we let her. Kathryn has never liked a soother. I had an out-of-body experience in which I stepped back far enough to see how ridiculous I looked trying to convince her to take one so she could be calmed like every other baby I've ever met. She sucks on her fist. Not her thumb, not a few fingers, her entire fist. It's quite cute, even when she chokes herself. She's going to have a lot of fun with that in college. With those baby blues and stupid human trick the boys are going to have to watch out!

Strong as an Ox.

When I was pregnant with Brooklyn I was gripped with an inexplicable fear that something would go wrong while I was pregnant with her. For a few days I feared losing her, although I had no indication that anything could possibly be going wrong. That completely irrational fear abetted but in it's wake left me with a sense of uneasiness- an uncalmable dread that somehow she would not be 'quite right'.

I don' t know what caused that fear to hang around for so long. There are some days even now that I look into her eyes and tear up that I can still see their sparkle and relish in the moment the unequivocable thankfulness I have for her and that she's a part of my life.

Once I was gripped by that fear I began to pray. I prayed in earnest that Brooklyn would be strong in every aspect. Three hundred and sixty degrees of strong. We've always known that she is physically strong. Lately we've begun to see her strong spirit. It's not all that pretty sometimes. When she stands there with a smirk upon her face stomping her feet and swinging her fists it's almost as though she's laughing at me. I am a pretty stubborn person, but I don't think I have anything on Brooklyn.

I often try to romanticize her strong spirit. I imagine it keeping her from struggles in the arenas of peer pressure and body image. I imagine her doing amazing things with that strength like solving world hunger. I pray that it doesn't lead her down dark paths while she works out her faith. We watched the movie Flicka here a while ago and I can see her being that Wild Mustang, I wonder if there will be anyone who can tame her.

I am amazed at how thoroughly God answered my prayers for her, even the parts I didn't intend to pray. It boggles me how solidly she defends her turf, how stubbornly she sets her course and how fiercely she loves already. At only 18 months old she is amazingly strong, and although my prayer for her has been edited as of late, it's only that she would be able to be weak with one even stronger, and that she would always know there is a soft place to fall because we can't be strong all the time.

Sending up a Prayer.

This is my formal petition to the Creator of the Universe to intercede in a miraculous divine way for all moms who feel the way I do- CAN WE PLEASE HAVE AN 8th DAY IN THE WEEK!!

Life here has been moving so swiftly. Today I went to book a photo session for next week for the girls. Katy will be 4 months old, Brooklyn 18 and Isabella has truly entered the 3's. I looked back on the previous three months pictures of Katy and can't get over how much she's changed already! Brooklyn started "reading" this week. She turns pages while spewing forth animated gobbeldy gook. Katy started interacting with the world around her, she talks to the TV now and so far is the most vocal at this early of an age! Yikes. And if Isabella could have looked anymore like a teenager as we headed out the door to Pioneer Clubs I would have fainted. The days they are a whizzing.

I absolutely cannot keep up! Just as I get one room of the house clean another one seems to have adopted the clutter from that one and there's no getting ahead. My bathroom needs to be vaccuumed daily due to the amazingly large amount of hair my post partum body is shedding, (seriously how am I not bald?), and it irks me to no end.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm loving it. But I am craving a return to knowing I have all my 't's crossed and my 'i's dotted. Tomorrow I get the afternoon to go grocercy shopping to set up for my once a month cooking and I have no idea what I'm buying yet! The days feel so overwhelming, in a good way, and leave me reeling at the end of them.

When I found it easy to go from having one kid to two I naively assumed going from two to three would be the same. Man it's a whole new world with the three of them! With all this craziness there are days when I'm sure you'll all find me (in the near future) in the corner rocking back and forth sucking my thumb, but then I just pull out my camera and start snapping away and day dream about our family completed and as overwhelming as it is I know I wouldn't change a thing. Having our kids all close together is awesome, challenging but awesome, and I'm glad I get a few seconds to snap those pictures to remember all that I'm sure my mind can't absorb in the current chaos.

Good Things come in Threes

Aren't these three adorable?

I love scrapbooking and in an effort to make sure Kathryn does not get overlooked I take her to our closest Superstore once a month and get her picture taken. Usually it's just her and we get the one pose package. This month was also Isabella's third birthday and since there is not a two pose package we thought a sister shot would be the best way to complete our photoganza.

The day went just like any other day a mother plans to the tee- completely awry. These pictures don't show it but let me assure you there were boogs, tonnes and tonnes of boogs. Plus we arrived almost 20 minutes late much to the chagrin of the employees.

My uber fave photographer- whose name I do not even know- was there to take the pictures. I told her we were aiming for one of the eldest, one of the youngest and time/behaviour permitting one of the three of them.

Isabella walked in and asked for her close up.

Katy had just been fed and was happy to be prompted anywhere soft.

Wham, bam, thank you ma'am. Five minutes and the majority of the pictures were done.

Then came The Sister Shot. I had tired to think of poses in which Brooklyn could not crawl/roll/slide/Hoodini away from before the click. This is her usual style. We got Isabella set up with Kathryn, Nick behind the photographers, all manner of whistles and wirly gigs out to keep their attention. I gingerly walked to place Brooklyn on the floor. Her toes hit the background.

Then she oozed out of my arms, literally slid right down the front of me, scooched as close as she could to her sisters, plastered this smile on her face and scrunched her shoulders thouroughly pleased with herself.

Ten minutes and three perfect shots later, we could not be more smitten.

Tripod

Kathryn is three months old already. Almost as shocking as Isabella turning three years old. I am currently reeling from the shock of how different parenting is each time around. With Isabella every 'phase' seemed to linger forever, (well at least the ones I wanted to pass quickly), with Brooklyn it felt like things went much faster and I had to take a minute to remember what life was like before she joined us. With Kathryn I am in simultaneous utter amazement that she's only been here three months and that she's been here three months.

I let her eat on demand and for the last month or so she's been sleeping from 7:30-7:30 along with her sisters. That is all now fantastically out of whack due to the flu and time change hitting our house. I feel like we've re-entered newborn land, but at the same time it feels like we were never there with her.

She is captivating. She seems to have been smiling since we brought her home from the hospital, but she is now smiling in response to things like being tickled by her sisters. She can roll from front to back, (I have yet to see it but she sleeps on her stomach and wakes up on her back some mornings), she tries to pull herself up to sitting when in the crook of your arm and has even made it up onto all fours a few times while playing. She coos as though trying to communicate in a manner neither of her sisters shared.

I had no idea that the speed with which she entered the world would only get faster. I hope it reaches it's peak soon so we can all slow down and enjoy being little together. But, until it does I have to try and keep up.

Let's raise a glass to three months, and re-arranging the living room to fit in the exersaucer, and play mat and baby toys and..........

Happy Birthday Bella!

On Tuesday my baby turned three. I cannot believe I have been a parent for three years.

I think it goes without saying that every firstborn is a guinea pig of sorts. Us parents get to test our 'theories' on them and whatnot. I can't imagine anyone who shoulders being firstborn more gracefully than Isabella. She has such a great demeanor and is constantly making me laugh. She is smart, has a great memory and her skills baffle me. She has taught me so much about selflessness and time management. About quality versus quantity. About the joy found in a piece of paper and the eleven billionth time you color on it.

Some qualities I've come to love about Isabella recently are her servant attitude. She is always asking if she can be of help and I can stop any tantrum by asking her to do something for her sisters. I love her sense of humor. ("No, no, no I'm Jane" is a recurring argument around here that sends her into peals of laughter). I love her artisticness, whether doing crafts, 'writing' words, or mimicing America's Best Dance Crew routines.

I love how she's such a big person, (yes she clearly pronounces Jabbewakez), and such a little person, (all bears are teddy bears didn't you hear?), all at the same time. How she wants to do everything for me but isn't afraid to admit when she just can't. That she wants to take care of her sisters but knows that sometimes they just need their mommy. How she cuddles up with us and the next minute asks for her space.

She is such a superstar in my books. And what do you get the superstar for her birthday? Why the flu of course. We've all been homebound and puking this week so she didn't get an actual birthday celebration yet. Next Saturday her, Nick and hopefully a few other friends will be heading to see 'Horton Hears a Who' for her first big screen movie experience. I know it will open another world of magic to her and I can't wait to be a part of her experience!

She really is the best eldest daughter I could ever have had! Happy Birthday Bella!

Six More, please!

If there were about six more hours in the day I would be in great shape. It's true that it's 2:00am and I am still up,(and for some reason on Blogger), doing a great many things. Finally getting caught up on dishes, finishing folding the laundry that's been hanging dry since Sunday. Actually updating my blog, making an exhaustive list of thank you's I still need to send for Christmas, (and yes even Katy's baby gifts), finding out info for the Murder Mystery I am hosting on Saturday....I could go on and on but really I should go to bed.

Do you ever find that you just need that extra day? I have recently discovered that the secret to a great day here is to have something out-of-the-house for Isabella and Brooklyn to do each morning. That doesn't always get accomplished right now because us girls only get the car once a week and it's been pretty poor weather for toddler walking. I am greatly looking forward to Spring, preferably non rainy mornings and rainy afternoons. (Did you hear that Big Guy, I placed my order...).

The thing about leaving the house in the morning is the inability to multi-task during that time. Being home I know where the girls are, and children learn so well from free play that it's easy to sneak in a few minutes here and there to do projects or cleaning. Not being at home takes away that opportunity. Being out and about is great, but it's a learning curve.

Luckily we've been going through some smooth transitions. Kathryn is now only eating 4 times a day, (around about the same time which she did all on her own, no schedules this time around-AHHHHHH), and sleeping through the night while sharing a room with Brooklyn. They all go to bed about 7:00 and Katy gets up for her "middle of the night" feeding around 9:30 and then sleeps until a blessed 8:00 with the other two! I was so afraid of moving her upstairs to share, but she's done remarkably well. It has only been three nights and I did just blog about it, but fingers crossed it continues anyway.

I should go finish up the last few things on my immediate to do list and head to bed, now that I've graced cyberspace with that adorable grin it's time to bid you adieu.

An Interesting Tag

I was tagged by Tara today with an interesting tag.



The Rules:

1. Pick up the nearest book (of at least 123 pages).

2. Open the book to page 123.

3. Find the fifth sentence.

4. Post the next three sentences.

5. Tag five people.



Here goes.



"The Gospel According to Tony Soprano" by Chris Seay



"His death is always imminent. Indictments that could ensure that his days would end behind bars are probable and the teenage boy he will leave in his stead has to be picked up from summer camp for wetting the bed. These fears lead to depression and anxiety."



I tag: Jen ; Jill ; Karen ; Elizabeth ; and if you'd like to be tagged consider yourself #5.

Oodles

I have oodles and oodles of pictures from the last bit and finally figured out how to access them. For now I'll tease you with just a few:

One of Isabella's many photo shoots at Ikea. She now runs to the bunk beds and poses until we stop and take pictures of her. Lucky for her Ikea is a cheap family date. We wander the showrooms, wear her and Brooklyn out, stop for $1 hot dogs and Nick and I get almost two hours of uninterrupted conversation while driving to and from.

Brooklyn giving us just a second out of her busy life. Tossing her baby blues over the shoulder as though to say, 'don't you wish you were important enough for me to stop my busy life'.

And Kathryn trying to focus on life. Which she's doing a great job of. I can't believe how big she is already. But that's another post, and who knows maybe I'll get to that one tomorrow!

Period Sweats

Throughout our lives we meet a million people. Well maybe not a million, but we meet a LOT of people. Each person we meet touches our life in a different way. Some hang on forever, some do not. Sometimes distance separates us, sometimes changes in hobbies, sometimes we separate for no reason at all.

In my particular life I have had the opportunity to meet a million great people. People who sink back into my sub-conscious thoughts throughout the days. Whether I'm glancing at pictures, watching an old movie, thinking about highschool classes or digging deep into my psyche to deal with a particular life circumstance.

One thing that saddens me about my life is that I can't gather up all those people I know and put them in the same place at the same time and we can all live there happily ever after. I miss people; and I'm sure people in my current life would love people from my past life if only I could get them together!

I like to pride myself on being good at keeping in touch. I am one of those people who returns emails quickly, I do return phone messages-(maybe not as quickly), I write annual Christmas letters, do this blog, am on Facebook each day to connect, and I don't shy away from trying to hook up with 'old' friends if we're in their city. If you don't return the favor I try not to push myself on you, but I'll never forget to remember you.

When we do hook up again it's great. I'm not one that needs to know what you've been doing for the last ten years. Tell me what you did yesterday and the conversation will flow, the back story will fill in as necessary. Let's just pick up like we never left off.

If you were writing my tombstone today, I would hope it would read; "Amanda-She was like a good pair of period sweats.".

You always know they're there in the drawer for the bloaty days. Waiting for you after a long day's work at the office. They give in all the right areas. They're worn in and fit like they were made just for you. No judgements, no opinions. Sure they have experience and they'll share it with you, but never ambush you with it. A soft place to fall, a warm hug when needed. When you don't need them you shove them in the drawer and even though you don't wear them everyday, you always know exactly where they are when you need them. Waiting for you to call on them and feeling like they've fulfilled their purpose when you do use them.

That's what I want to be. A good pair of period sweats.

Grooves

I am finding it rather hard to get back in the groove of blogging. I desire to, I really find it a great way to document the little tidbits that might otherwise get forgotten in the constantness of life, but we currently are routineless and life is suffering. So while I try to get redirected and back on track, here are a few random moments in our life.

At church after the service our kids are all going bananas and Isabella will not stay still. Our sanctuary is in the middle of the building so you can walk around it in a complete circle. Isabella likes to do the half circle, cutting through the sanctuary and so we let her go for it. It's pretty easy to keep an eye on her knowing how long it takes her to run her route, and the church had mostly emptied out. A few too many minutes had gone by so I went to look for her. I'm walking and all I can hear is someone knocking on a door and a small voice saying 'Hello?'. I call out to that small voice; "Belle where are you?". "I'm stuck in the bathroom." She managed to push her way into the men's bathroom but could not pull herself out.

After a long day we went to McDonalds for supper before picking up Nick from work. We were in our booth and the girls were doing a great job of eating. A man with two boys entered and sat at the booth next to us. The youngest boy looked about Belle's age. They began making faces at each other et cetera. I noticed the man wanted his son to eat so I tried to coax Isabella into turning around to eat her food. I was met with this reply; "But mom, I'm checking out the boys."

Isabella has learned to use a book to push up her lightswitch and everyone knows when the lights are on it's time to play. We put her to bed at 7:00 and she was up playing until 1:30am. We tried several times to turn off the light for her and such, all to no avail. One thing we learned though, she has an amazing imagination.

You will notice Brooklyn missing from these tidbits. She still isn't talking and she will not sit still. I'm not exaggerating, we cannot get her to be still unless she is sleeping!