Tuesday, May 29, 2007

You never let me down!

There has been a lot going on here in our little neck of the woods, a lot of events that would seem to be happenstance, but when I take time to reflect I can see how they all work together. It would be a really long story to tell you how we went from completely freaking out when I thought I was pregnant in December to being completely joyful as we began to share the news of Baby #3. I know that most people who stop by here are quite busy so I'll tell just the Reader's Digest version for now.

I found out I was pregnant while we are dealing with that flu that our whole household came down with and shared with some friends as well. When I first started throwing up I thought to myself, 'oy I can't be pregnant!' and when everyone else started puking as well I was sure I was out of the woods. The flu passed and we were all back to our normal selves but things were still a little off for me so I bit the bullet and picked up a HPT. If you've never had a surprise pregnancy it's hard to describe what happens when you see that little line. It's a good thing there's a toilet in the bathroom cuz I needed to sit down right away.

I shared the news with Nick and we decided to just take some time to deal with the shock. If you had stopped by our house in the week after we found out you would have found us both sitting on the couch lost deep in thought trying to figure out when and how this happened. We have been using contraception and really doing our best to make sure we didn't conceive another child until we were ready.

Although it was quite the shock Ialso felt a tremendous amount of peace. Not peace in the sense that I let go of all worry and doubt, but peace in the sense that somehow it's all going to work out. I asked Nick if it would be okay if we didn't tell anyone until the end of the first trimester. I was a little worried about miscarrying and I was feeling rather fragile in my abilities to handle an expanding family. Nick was worried about what other people would say/think and wasn't feeling strong enough to handle any 'What were you thinking?!' sort of remarks.

So we kept it between ourselves for the last 14 weeks and it has been so good for us. Instead of looking to other people for support and encouragement we've had each other and that is super great.

Ofcourse no one who left a comment let me down. Thanks to everyone for their encouraging 'Congratulations'. I know that I hear them and there's still some apprehension in accepting them, I still kinda wonder if it's going to be all right, so I imagine there are other congratulators who imagine the same thing and I like that I have people to share the journey of relying on God and working through things like this with.

And of course 'Anonymous' you never let me down either. I waited to share this news until I wouldn't be affected by your negativity. It's so funny that I anticipated your comment and knowing myself waited until it wouldn't phase me in the least! I know that I don't need to justify myself or my life to you, but I would just like to state for the record that I have never been on welfare in my adult life and we are not leaving outside of our means now.

Since both of our girls seem to have thought that due dates were ridiculous, I've decided I don't have one for this pregnancy. Ofcourse my doctor and I know differently and will use it to assess when this pregnancy ends. I look forward to announcing the arrival of our bundle in the middle of the Christmas rush! (Sometime in the first half of December).


Tara said...

Olivia was a surprise to us so I totally understand where you are at. Don't worry... everything will work out. Fortunately you have several more months to get used to the idea of having 3 kids. It's funny, Olivia was born Dec.8 and she was due Christmas eve. Nothing like a surprise Christmas present!

lilene said...

Wow I go away for a weekend and miss big news! Congratulations to you Nick and the family! You are clearly a great mom (no surprise there) and will be three times over come Christmas! Read the comments on your last post and so glad that you didn't listen to anonymous. I can't believe that, Clearly God has bigger plans than whether you feel ready or not. Praying that you will continue to know his peace and joy as you look forward to meeting the fifth member of your family. Congrats again!!!

karen said...

oh yes I know about the surprise line. you're kind of laughing and crying and shaking and smiling and going in circles. It's crazy, but it will always work out!

Mom said...

I'll say that surprises are certainly - well, surprising! I think you and Nick handled it very well. You did need time to digest and adjust to the news that God has a plan for you that you clearly did not have. But God is ALWAYS in control - whether we want to admit it or not! So, since He is in control, He will provide everything you and Nick need to be wonderful parents to three beautiful children. And I am certainly proud to be a Grammax3!

Love to you all! And congratulations!

Tanneal said...

Oh my GOODNESS!!! Congratulations is right...life's little surprises! Babies are ALWAYS wonderful news in my books =)

Angella said...

Congratulations!!! Babies are a blessing, regardless, hey?

Angela said...

Congratulations! Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and will definitely be able to handle 3- and you have an even bigger God who gives the best surprises and he will take care of you all!

wandi said...

God bless you Amanda. It will all be okay. God will take care of you. I know that babies are a miracle from God and that He does not make mistakes. I'm excited for you. Congratulations.