Overwhelmed

The boxes sat in my house for about two days before I opened them. Every time my arms reached for them to open them my heart skipped a beat. Sweat began to form on my forehead. If I open them I can't send them back. If I open them I'm taking that final step of commitment, and by opening those boxes I'm also opening up a chance to fail. So they sat there. And they sat. I began to doubt sooooo much what I chose to do. I had a meeting with the consultant I signed up through on Thursday to go through all the documents and answer any questions I may have had. So I had to open them. It was glorious. All that great stuff. I wanted to sit down and start playing. I wanted to pull out the last for years of my life that have not been documented and get going right now. I touched everything. Then I touched it again. Then I put it in piles. Then I put the piles in boxes. Then Nick came home and I took it all out again. I put it in different piles. I put it in boxes.

Then I broke out in a cold sweat. One thing that really intrigued me about the "business side" of CM is that it's advertised as moving your career at your own pace. I like moving at my own pace. I like being able to set my own goals and work towards them. I know there is a minimum purchase amount every three months, and my pace right now is to meet just the bare minimum. I mean I have two kids under the age of two and a husband who works two job. Even though it's the bare minimum it's challenging enough.

Apparently I misunderstood "at your own pace" because the pressure I'm getting is incredible. I'm supposed to write a list of everyone I know who might host a get together and call them and ask them to host one. I'm supposed to set up some workshops. I'm supposed to.....so many things. The first three months of any new business venture are apparently the most crucial so I must utilize them, I must jump in with reckless abandon. Dishes? What dishes, scrapbooking is your life now!

Don't get me wrong. I want to succeed. I really, really do. But I didn't expect to feel this overwhelmed by expectations right away. I thought I was making my own expectations. I was gearing up to do this part time right now, but I can't do what I've been asked to do on part time. Scary. And failing is such an unappealing option. I hate failing.

So, I'm off to continue feeling overwhelmed because I have childcare duties until they go down for their afternoon nap. Then in that 2 hour time span I need to cook dinner, and clean, and all kinds of stuff.

I signed up because life was going at a great pace. Everything had it's slot and it seemed like good timing. I had time to give to a new venture. Then those boxes arrived and now so much else is going on. Nothing fits in it's slot anymore and there doesn't seem to be time for anything I had going on before the boxes arrived. It's crazy.

So, I'm off to create a web site. Well it's mostly created for me I just put in my info. But it will allow people to order CM stuff through my site but have it delivered directly to their door for the same price as ordering it in my kitchen. That's pretty cool. And allow people to create their own photobooks. Online, digital photo albums. In minutes. Stitched and hardcovered. Delivered to your door. Neat eh?

As for the boxes they've been repacked and are taking up a portion of our living room. I just can't justify playing with them before I sell something. If I truly signed up to make it a business and not just get some stuff at a great price, then I must leave them there until I'm successful in some sort of way.

Really overwhelming.