Blurry Vision

You know that saying; 'can't see the forest for the trees'? Sometimes the circumstances of life consume us individually, and so completely, that we cannot see clearly. Different things cause different people to lose their clarity of sight but I do believe it is common to the human experience.

As a Christian I know that the Bible has something to say about every circumstance, trial, joy and blessing that I endure, but often I forget to look there for solutions or even coping strategies. The following thoughts are a reflection on Psalm 73 and a sermon I recently heard by Bob Gould.

Psalm 73 is written by Asaph, who is only mentioned in the Bible a few times and has no memorable story to attach to his name. For all intents and purposes he was a worship pastor and there are several Psalms attributed to him (50, 73-83). In Psalm 73 he speaks candidly about things you don't expect your pastor to verbalize. For a moment he lets us behind the mask of those "in ministry" and lets us see their human side, a side we can all relate to.

"Surely God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart. But as for me, my feet had almost slipped, I had nearly lost my foothold. For I envied the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked."

The Psalm begins with two very common thoughts, one: I know God is good, but I'm just about to give up, and two: Why do the rich have it so easy? Asaph was looking around at his trees and couldn't see the forest. Why does it seem that the wicked prosper and the godly suffer? In this Psalm Asaph equates the wicked with the rich, and although rationally we know that that is not the case, I'm sure it's a pattern of faulty thinking we fall into sometimes.

"If I had said, 'I will speak thus,' I would have betrayed your children."

Asaph feels that he cannot share his internal struggle with anyone because he is in a position of Christian leadership and if he confesses what he is thinking he will cause his flock to stumble, to sin. Therefore he keeps it all bottled up, festering away at him, clouding his judgement and his vision. Personally I'm not in a position of Church leadership, but there are many struggles I never voice out of fear of what it would do to the hearer. What if I confess that I just want to send my kids away for the day and the person listening is struggling with infertility? That would hurt them so much more than what I'm dealing with right? Those of us who are people pleasers can probably identify with this Psalm. Anything that could be construed as negative must be kept to oneself, you never know the damage it might do.

But aren't we also called in Scripture to take up one another's burdens? Aren't we called to share with other believers in joy and in struggles? Why is it that we don't do it? Why do we always answer 'fine' when someone asks us how we are doing? (On a sidenote, is it really possible that no one noticed Asaph's struggling spirit? What keeps us from asking people deeper questions when it's obvious they need to talk? Or just reaching out a hand and helping instead of waiting for our help to be invited?)

You can read through the Psalm and see how Asaph has a distorted view of the situation. For example he thinks being rich equals being wicked and that rich have no troubles. Luckily however the Psalm is not just one of lament, he casts a light into the shadows.

"'till I entered the Sanctuary of God."

Therein lies the glasses Asaph was in need of. When you spend time with God your vision becomes his vision and instead of being stuck staring at tree trunks you have a bird's eye view. The bigger picture becomes what you are gazing upon and your perspective changes. When we spend time in the sanctuary we begin to see that it's not about us and we experience the peace, grace, power, and wisdom of God. Then praise abounds for we can see what God is doing around us, through us, and for us. When our vision becomes that of eternity we can see with more clarity. We do not take the spiritual life seriously unless we spend time with God. If we do not know his thoughts, if we cannot catch his vision, our faith is not a lifestyle but lip service. And God is all we need for every circumstance, we can find whatever we are looking for in the sanctuary if we would just go there.

I can confess that life at our house is heavy right now. There are many obstacles and struggles that could consume us. But by remembering, and being disciplined, to spend time in the sanctuary I will not be consumed. I will be able to enjoy the forest even when I am surrounded by gnarly trunks. What an uplifting thought in times of heaviness.

As humans we tend to think we have all the answers. When we find ourselves in a tricky or undesirable situation we start looking around for what to do to fix it. I would challenge us instead to think of what we could be and to sit quietly with the Almighty until we have 20/20 vision for the problem we find ourselves in may not be the problem at all.

"Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

4:00 AM This is your Wake Up Call....

Over the past few weeks my body has begun waking up between 4:00 and 5:00 AM on a regular basis. Usually the cluprit causing my waking is the full bladder upon which my son is sleeping and it's undeniable need to be emptied. Waking up to pee in the middle of the night is common third trimester activity, but in my previous experiences I merely stumbled to the bathroom, relieved myself and stumbled back into bed. This time around however, I wake up raring to go for the day.

This development has several cons, (hello, I'm up at 4:00AM), but it also has it fair share of pros. I've learned a lot about being the best version of myself lately and getting up early in the morning helps me be good at being me. I love the dark, one of the reasons I love winter and why gray rainy days are my favourite. Getting up in the dark starts my day off well because I begin with something I love. I can also accomplish things: really accomplish them. I can fold a load of laundry without someone unfolding it! I can empty the dishwasher without someone climbing into it or grabbing a knife! I can sweep the kitchen floor and no one is grinding Cheerios into the carpet! And I can accomplish all these things without having to ask a child to 'please wait a sec while mom just gets this one thing done.'. Ah bliss. I can also be selfish with this time; surfing the net, watching the prime time show I wont while the kids are awake, eating my breakfast without getting indigestion from meeting the meal time needs of three toddlers. The hours of 4-7am are actually kind of nice.

But, the cons enter a little later in the day. I'm physically in need of a nap by 11:00am, I'm running in short supply of patience right before the pre-afternoon nap meltdown session. Therefore we all nap in the afternoon, which makes bedtime a bit of a marathon, since my 4 year old doesn't really need to nap. And I wake from that nap a bit on the cranky side having slept just shy of 'enough'. Dinner hasn't been happening as well or regularly as it should, and I find myself going to my evening commitments a bit on the groggy side.

I mess up, I'm sure, out of tiredness, but I learned the value of forgiveness. So I dust myself off, put one foot in front of the other, live through the last few hours of the day one moment at a time. Then 4:00am rolls around and I can pick up yesterday's pieces and put them in place. It's really not that bad, 4:00am.

(Sidenote: Even though there are pros to this pattern, I am still looking forward to when it vacates the premises!)

Thank you to everyone who commented on my last post, I really enjoyed reading your responses!

Aint it Funny

Isn't it the way. I stated a goal, and had very good intentions and then life just happened! You know what I mean, all your daylight hours consumed by good things, but things that are not the ones you intended to do! I have a whole theme of blog posts half written in my head, but no time to sit down and compose them! I will get back here though, it is a goal, April sounds like a month to succeed right?

Today I ask a question of the blog reading masses: If you compose blog posts, when in your day do you do it? Do you have a regular time, or just when the mood strikes? IF you don't blog, how about journalling? Is it part of your routine? How do you keep up with your desire to write?

Just Curious

Lately I've been getting more and more curious about the sixth member of our family. The girls all have grown into very distinct personalities and I can see the ways in which they will be similar, and the ways in which they will be very different. I wonder how a boy will fit into the mix? I wonder if he'll be taller and obviously stronger than his sisters, will people confuse him for the oldest? I wonder if he'll be one of those guys who actually knows how to listen to girls because of all the training he gets growing up? I wonder how its going to change the dynamic to have a boy in the gang? There's only a maximum of 11 weeks until our family grows for the last time and I am wondering what's in store for us, what our family is like completed.

The Next Phase

A few posts ago I mentioned that I was considering what I wanted this blog to be about. It took me much longer than I anticipated to really reach down and figure out what is important to me as far as the 'blogosphere' is concerned.

I've thought long and hard about it and am now ready to blog with a vengence again. My blog will be a little more focused, (at least that's the intent), on me. If you come here for pictures of the kidlets, you wont be disappointed, they are after all a part of me. I am going to focus on the three things that are most important to me in my blog posts: my faith, my family/friends, and my creativity.

You'll find that I'm also a girl who loves schedules and planning, (did you know Administration is a spiritual gift?), and so there will be themes emerging and this blog will become fairly routine and predictable. That is the goal. Not that my children will all of a sudden stop being unique or that God will start talking to me in ways you've heard before; rather that there will be a routine to what I share and you'll quickly figure out to only stop by on Fridays if you want to hear about our Family.

For those of you that have been following this blog, thanks for hanging around! I hope you start to enjoy it once again! If you're reading this through the link on Facebook, welcome to my blog.

Baking with Baby Brain

I decided a little while ago to make a more conscious effort to celebrate holidays with the girls. I wanted them to be a part of the process, not just the celebrations. Valentines is first up in the year and so it has made a great guinea pig. We were planning to make cookies and cards to send to Grandma and Grandpa, and a few friends around town. One day I made all the girls have a nap, (which was good for all of us) and I laid out all the ingredients just like we do at Cooking Class at Superstore. I had everything measured and we were ready to go. The recipe we were using called for coffee.

You will notice as you scroll down the pictures that the girls are wearing different clothes. It took two days to make our cookies. I don't drink coffee, ever. So I had measured out the coffee as per the recipe directions, ground coffee beans that is.

Once we actually started the recipe I understood instantly that the coffee was supposed to be made, as in liquid, as in needed to hold the cookie dough together. Never mind thought I, I'm sure 4 tbsp of coffee can't make that big of a difference. We continued to mix together the ingredients. But alas our dough would not stick together.

Remember, I don't drink coffee. I don't even make coffee. I don't even clean the coffee maker, if Nick wants coffee its on his shoulders.
So the girls had to wait an extra day for me to figure out how to make coffee and whip up a batch of dough with all the proper ingredients in it. Then we set about cutting them out and adding cinnamon hearts.

I also had the nerve to ask them to pose for one more picture before I let them eat any. Isabella barely made it through the shot!

Righteous Appearances

If you lived in Jesus' day you would have been subject to the authority, and judgement, of the religious leaders of the day. They watched what you were doing, what you were wearing, what you weren't doing. They would look at your actions in order to determine your righteousness. Jesus came onto the scene and added to their system. True, people will know you are pursuing righteousness by the actions that they see, BUT you can't always tell a person's heart by what they are doing.

When I first became a stay at home mom I thought I knew exactly the expectations I was to get in line with; keep the house clean, put good meals on the table, meet your husband's needs and have the children magazine cover ready at all times. I quickly came to understand what those expectations were getting me into in terms of work. How quickly I grew weary of cleaning, cooking and keeping up appearances. It amazes me how short the time span was in which I stopped caring if my house and my family met people's standards.

This past week I began going to the gym, and I'll confess I'm a bit of a people watcher. There are two women at the gym that I am particularly drawn to. Both of them could be described by total strangers as "out of shape". They walk on the treadmills and they walk hard. The kind of walking that makes you sweat, makes it hard to breathe. While I notice them I wonder what got them to the gym. Several easy answers pop into my head and all of them have to do with meeting people's expectations of how they should look.

I remember watching some episodes of Oprah where a few families who appeared to "have it all" came clean about how little they actually have and how unhappy they truly are.

Appearances can be deceiving.

That girl with a body-to-die for who is actually dying for it.

That homeless man, begging on the corner every day, who is actually worth millions.

That mom at every event, always volunteering, constantly surrounded by people, who is the loneliest person on the planet.

Appearances can be deceiving.

I lost track of the families on Oprah, but I believe they journeyed internally to figure out why the sought after so much stuff. They had to get to the heart of the issue and purge away the excess to find true happiness.

I'm convinced those two ladies will still be at the gym walking just as hard six months from now. I'm convinced because of the determination on their faces and how hard they are working. They have to be operating from a deeper motivation than looking like Ms. Hollywood.

I've come to accept and embrace that the expectations I tried to live up to when I first became a SAHM will lead to nothing but fatigue and unhappiness. Now my expectations have to do with eternity, and that is much more fulfilling than temporarily appearing right.

I don't think people will ever stop being like the religious leaders in Jesus' day. There will always be a set of criteria by which people judge each other. But, for those of us who want to live a pure life of true righteousness there is only one set of expectations that matter.

And while we may be able to keep up appearances in front of man, God sees right through them. Appearances can be deceiving but the heart shines a light on the true motives for why we do what we do.

"Look at ME!"

Kathryn is really coming into her personality lately. She has begun to develop a sense of humour, she has preferences and she wants to be just like her big sisters. This past week she has started saying "Hi!" into a cell phone, climbing up onto chairs and tables, making little jokes and trying to manipulate us with her tears.

I've really been noticing with her that even though she is going through the same stages her sisters went through she is definitely unique. When she is thinking you can see it on her face and so you know when she's doing something on purpose. It leaves me awestruck when I watch the concentration on her face as she has to put her cup right beside her plate at supper time or how she makes a plan to attack one her sisters, but never gets there because she starts laughing too hard.

I would describe Katy's character as bright; both in intellect and disposition. She lights up our days and illuminates the best part of every person she comes in contact with. I can only imagine the great things she'll do in her corner of the world.

This past week was one of those weeks when I would have loved to ship the kids off to Grandma and Grandpa's for a few days. The demands of caring for three small children, all of my domestic responsibilities, being a good wife and striving daily to grow closer to Christ and closer to who He created me to be is more than a full time job! But it's a full time job without weekends, without sick days, without stat holidays or vacation time.

At least for me it is.

And although I don't have those times off from being a mom I still need them. I still need time to put myself first, to take a break from my full time job. I don't have a good answer about how to do that well. I take my moments to watch my favourite tv shows, have a bubble bath, "escape" to the grocery shopping, plan time to spend with friends. But there is something about those extended times away that I still need.

So, imperfect as it is, there are days when all we do is watch tv and eat next to nothing. Days when Nick spends the day at work and then comes home and does my job too. Days I yell more than I should and days I would like a do-over for.

The chores never magically disappear, the kids don't teleport to the grandparents so I can get some rest. But God is faithful. Somehow a moment, a literal 60 second blip, breaks into the fog of my fatique and I have found the rest I so greatly needed. How great is it that I serve a God who is not interested in me merely surviving, but also thriving! He provides the rest I need and then some as it takes extra energy to get the chores caught up, extra paitence to restore discipline and routine, extra humility to accept my faults and seek forgiveness.

Yesterday at Church I was reminded that we are not called to success, but to submission. We are not called to perfection, but called to show Christ at work in our failings and Christ revealed in our success. That is a great encouragement for a soul weathered by mom guilt, a soul that sometimes gets stretched too thin, a soul that could use a week curled up next to a fire. He is faithful to provide all of our needs, the ones we take to Him and the ones He already knows.

May that encourage you this week, especially on your most tired day.

Wintry Fun

Since the whole country seems to be in a cold state, here are some pictures to warm your heart! Yep, the girls got to play outside for the first time this past week. Nick works some days only in the afternoon, so I talked him into taking the girls out for half an hour on the nice day we had last week. This is at the end of their time, they each posed on the snow pile Poppa shovelled for them.
It was too cold for Katy to sit around outside so we stayed inside and took pictures of the fun. Nick started throwing snowballs at her and she thought it was the funniest thing ever. Belle and Brooklyn both go into the fun and pelted us with snowballs.

On a daily basis Isabella asks if she can make a snow angel. She finally got her chance. This was the very first thing she did as soon as I opened the door. Fell in the snow and started making an angel.

Hope you can stay warm today Canada!

Scene Stealer

Ultrasound Tech; "Well, this looks like it will be your last pregnancy."

Myself; "Pardon?"

Ultrasound Tech; "Yep. It looks like you finally did something right."

Myself; ......no comment.......

Ultrasound Tech; "I'm not supposed to tell the gender. And I wouldn't tell if I wasn't sure. That's definitely a boy you've got there!"

*I painstakingly pointed out all of the baby's facial features to the girls. All they can remember is that this last picture is his bum. Thanks Nick ;)

BOOORRRIIINNGGG

There are a lot of things I didn't anticipate about motherhood, but one of them is happening with Isabella right now. Thankfully she has yet to learn the phrase; "Mom, I'm bored.", but I can tell that she is. She runs around the house literally bouncing off the walls and has so much energy to spare I've seriously contemplated trying to figure out how to bottle and sell it.



The winter is a hard time to be a toddler in a small house. We have one room for her to play in and that room also houses our living room furniture, 'office', toys and such. Not much space. I would be bored too if I was three.




I've decided we need to come up with a school-like routine. One that is obviously flexible enough for movie days and not so routine that it's just replacing one form of boredom with another. We've started doing a playdough session each day and getting in our exercise with Wii Fit together. (BTW: Wii users, have you tried Super Hula Hoop? Holy hard batman!)

I'm not sure what else to do with her though. I've thought about a phonics program. My Aunt who is an ECE suggested Jolly Phonics, anyone else have a program they've used? Preferably a free one! What other things do you do to keep your toddler's brain happy?


From this series of pictures you can see that I enjoy spending the time teaching my children valuable skills like how to make the 'horns'. Vital information should she find herself at a rock concert in the near future. Isabella usually obliges willingly, but I'm beginning to think she 's tiring of my antics. ;)

Untitled

I am one of those rare and unusual folks who loves winter. Back in the day I loved being out in the winter weather, of recent years I have grown more crochety and it takes a lot of cajoling to get me outside. The last two winters I've had the really good excuse of either being pregnant or just recovering from delivery which have allowed me to spend most days looking out instead of in. It's a sad but true truth that I have yet to build a snowman with the girls or play outside to rush in for hot cocoa. In my defense Ontario winters are just weird. There can be a foot of snow outside in the morning and in the evening a gentle rain with not a speck of snow in sight. Ontario is just weird like that.

Even though I haven't been living life in the great white, I still greatly enjoy it. Today I was cleaning the kitchen after lunch and a light snow was falling. I was thinking to myself about how it looked like a snow globe and smiling while washing dishes. Isabella rushed in to ask for something and was immediately distracted by the falling snow. She had to grab Brooklyn and stand watching it for a few minutes. Within seconds of beginning their snow watch I heard comments like; "I just love it. It's so beautiful." I feel the same.

I laugh hysterically when they call a snow day here because the wind chill makes the temperature -15 and it snowed 5cm last night! But I've quickly become climatized and while I'm laughing I'm shivering and putting extra layers on the kids! I am looking forward to a few years down the road. When the girls will play outside but tell me when they get cold, (at the moment they don't mention they're cold which limits our outdoor interactions), when my body isn't growing someone so I can do things like hurtle down a hill in a very unsafe toboggan, when we can have family snow ball fights and us girls can throw well enough to give Nick a run every now and then.

Winter is one of those seasons that you have to grow in to before it can be safely enjoyed, especially when you live in a Province that's called in the National Guard on account of some white stuff.

Right now I like to love winter while sipping tea and glancing out the window beside my computer. But I'm looking forward to getting my thick skin back and enjoying it outside one day not too far down the road.

Under Consideration.

When I began blogging my intent was to keep in touch with two particular people. Friends whom I had lived life with during highschool but had since moved away from. We were all starting families and having crazy adventures. A method of communication to share stories, thoughts and pictures that wasn't bound by the time change seemed ideal. Since I began blogging life has gotten exponentially busier and 7 children have joined the scene between the three of us. We've pretty much fallen out of touch except for a random blog comment every now and then.

While I've been blogging I've been able to virtually meet some great people and connect on another level with people I sort of know, or knew once upon a time. I've greatly enjoyed reading the struggles and triumphs of others; loved laughing at the crazy things kids say and do; thought intently on subjects brought up by other people's posting and even been encouraged through the experiences of others.

More than enjoying reading, I've enjoyed writing. The times where I have sat down and drafted a post, done a few re-writes, found the perfect title and accompanying picture have been wonderful. Even the spur of the moment posts help me remember moments I would most likely forget in the busyness of life and sometimes just flipping on the computer and scrolling past pictures I've posted makes a bad day good.

As a New Year dawns I am considering what I want out of blogging at this present time. I'm not sure what the answer is. I have an idea in my head of this being my 'home page' in a very literal sense. That I start here and it links me to all the things I consider priorities in my life. It doesn't do that right now. But what about content? What do I want to share with the world? It's under consideration right now.

How about you? What do you get out of blogging?

Merry Christmas From the Franks '08

Teething, toilet training and time-outs have been the theme of 2008 here in the Franks household. Our life with three toddlers can best be described as creative chaos. It will never cease to amaze me how quickly ‘artwork’ can appear on the walls, floor and children; how quickly cute and cuddly can turn into foreshadowing of the teen years; or how each of the girls visibly grows up with every blink of my eyes.

This year brought about a few momentous occasions for Nick. In July Nick and a few of his buddies were fortunate enough to have their ol’ ball-and-chains cut them loose on a ROAD TRIP!! Yankee and Shea Stadiums were the destination and I heard they were amazing. Nick could tell you much more about his adventures- but I choose to be blissfully unaware of the hi-jinx of that vanload. In September Nick put the finishing touch on his 10 year journey of pursuing preparation for vocational ministry. Nick passed through the accreditation process and can now look back on his schooling and training with contentment that choosing to persevere brought him to his goal. Oh, and Nick turned 30 in November. Waaaaaaayyyyyyy before me.

Isabella entered into the wonderful world of weddings this year with two flower girl gigs. In July she did a wonderful job at the Green wedding and bogeyed the night away on the dance floor. In November she once again sent folks into sugar shock with her cuteness at the wedding of Nick’s brother Andrew and his beautiful bride Mary. Isabella grew a lot over the past year both in stature and in intellect. It amazes me what she knows and it keeps me on my toes when she tries to trip me up to get what she wants.

Brooklyn has accomplished much this year. She has learned her ABC’s and begun to count. She is talking in complete sentences, usually telling someone what to do and her physical strength has become rather shocking. You can most often find her….well actually you can’t because she doesn’t sit still. However, you always know she’s around because she never stops talking. So much of Brooklyn can’t be put into words like her strut, or this great angry face she makes when she wants to bend you to her will.

Kathryn is now one and almost walking. She has a couple words, (‘mama’ and ‘baby’) and enjoys being upside down and tickled. It has been such a blessing to see the way her face lights up when her sisters pay attention to her. Often their playtimes end in dog piles, the three of them giggling and wrapped up in bear hugs.

This year I have had many opportunities to grow into my skin as a mom. We went through a few trying times, (like living without a vehicle for four months), and some great experiences, (like the Women’s retreat in September), which began in me a great refining work. I’ve been able to reconnect with my love of scrapbooking and been able to meet many wonderful ladies who share the same hobby. So many fantastic people have entered my life, and the life of our family, in 2008- we have been truly blessed.

This coming year is sure to be chockfull of growing experiences as we wait on God’s timing and for Him to reveal His plan to us. Nick is seeking a ministry opportunity and our family will grow once again as we welcome Baby #4 in June. The girls will continue to grow and the fall will find us entering the world of kindergarten.


We trust that this letter finds you happy and healthy and enjoying the Christmas Season.

With Love; Merry Christmas

Nick, Amanda, Isabella, Brooklyn and Kathryn

S'more Katy

A few candid shots from Katy's first birthday party. We just spent a quiet evening in with my mom and dad who were visiting. I had been quite sick leading up to the celebrations, so we didn't get to our traditional Teddy Bear cake. We will have one next year though- what's that you want an invite? ;) My grandmother makes these wonderful teddy bears. Each of the girls have one, (and I hope there's one in the works for Baby 4). Katy really enjoyed this teddy but wouldn't get too close as she definitely has a favorite cuddly.

She went right for the candles, hence Nick holding her hands back. She has no fear this girl. Is that a common trait of the third born?

Just like Brooklyn she is most happy when she has a full tummy and a messy face. Surprisingly she fell right asleep after all that sugar.

And this picture was from breakfast this morning, way too cute to pass up posting. This is really how she smiles, not her initial smile, but when she wants you to keep doing something that makes her happy. I just want to freeze it forever.

aTRIBUTEd

Kathryn turned one last week. It's mind-boggling to me that it's been a year since she was born. Time really did start going quickly with the arrival of Isabella and Brooklyn; but Katy introduced warp speed to our lives. Not only did the days begin moving faster but the milestones began coming earlier and before I knew it she was a little lady instead of a baby. Instead of listing her milestones, trying to make the few pictures I have of her look like hundreds, waxing eloquent over her qualities or trying to put into words why she is the bestest Kathryn Elizabeth ever; I want to tell you about the one thing she has done differently than our daughters before her.

Before Katy came into our lives I had been a mother for 33 months. I had sacrificed my way through sleepless nights and breastfeeding woes and all that other newborn stuff. Welcoming a third baby girl into our family wasn't 'brand new' in the way welcoming Isabella was 'brand new', or how welcoming a boy would have been 'brand new', and yet it was a totally 'brand new' beginning.

Due to my current baby brain and other stresses in our life I just can't find the right words to explain how Katy made me a mom instead of a mother. When she was born my heart grew about four sizes; my love for Isabella doubled, my loved for Brooklyn doubled, I had love for this new person, and I began loving my new role as mom. I will be forever thankful for Katy, the timing of her arrival and how my life has changed since she has entered it.

Katy is amazing but even more than that she enables the amazing in everything else to shine through. There really aren't words to describe how amazing having her in our family is.

Happy Birthday Katy.

Life Cycles

There's a phrase that people have been using in my life since the fall of 2003. Ever since the first time it was uttered it makes me cringe, and every time I've heard it since I get a funny taste in my mouth. Season of Life. This phrase entered my life once I was married. I entered this adult world with new social rules I didn't understand, rules that were never explained, rules that were defined by the statement; "they're just in a different season of life than you.'. This statement came to represent boundaries I didn't like, I didn't understand and I didn't want to accept.

The phrase hung around after we started having kids. I'm sure people mean it as an encouragement, another way of saying: 'Hang in there, this too shall pass.'. Changing millions of diapers, 2am feedings, being a human jungle gym-don't blink- it's just a season of life. After this phrase is used by the people you see on a regular basis, well, regularly, it gets personalized. No longer is it just a season of life, now it's the season of life you're in.

If this phrase rings a positive note with you, we will begin having a different perspective....now. Consider the seasons for a moment. There are only four of them, they happen on a regular and somewhat predictable basis. In your lifetime, (let's say 80 years as an example), you'll experience 80 summers, 80 autumns, 80 winters and 80 springs. When I consider those three facts the phrase season of life becomes depressing to me.

Let's equate the seasons with an emotion, I'm going to go with what I think is the general consensus. Summer-joy/contentment. Autum-nostalgia/hunkering down. Winter-depression/ surviving. Spring- expectation/excitement. I have to confess that I love winter and despise summer, but I think my point of view remains the same regardless.

You find yourself in the summer; happy happy. Days at the beach, family vacations, a lax routine, longer evenings, lighter meals, millions of pictures. For most summer is the season you long to remain in forever. But inevitably the days get shorter and the weather cooler. We start becoming nostalgic in the fall and wishing for days gone by. We hunker down and accept the impending winter and the trials that come with it.

Enter winter. Short days, inclimate weather, routines disrupted beyond our control, stuck in the house, isolation, sickness (let's not even start to talk about the boogs!). We begin trying to wish it away, looking to Christmas as our beacon that 'this too shall pass' and on boxing day we cross our fingers that every warm day is the beginning of spring. And finally spring arrives. Soon, soon, we'll be able to shed our clothers and spend more time outside and soon, soon summer shall be here.

I imagine that when people use the phrse season of life they don't literally mean they expect you'll follow the pattern every 365 days. I don't think they expect to spend one quarter of their life feeling joy and three quarters of their life longing to get it back.

Are you beginning to see how this phrase is like fingernails on a chalkboard to me? When one is in a hard time the last thing you want to hear is that there are more hard times coming. When one is in a time of pure joy you don't want to consider you might have to leave that state. When one is exhausted, dragging their feet, trying to merely survive, you surely don't want to imagine that one day you will be well rested only to become exhausted again.

Personally I prefer to think of life in phases. It's true that we will go through phases more than once, but never from the same perspective or experience. For example the newborn phase. Once you're there as a newborn, once (or four times) as a parent, and then as a grandparent. Same phase but completely different. I find that a much more encouraging description. The phases of life; you're born, you live, you die (loosely) rather than the seasons; summer, fall, winter, spring. I don't know about you but I prefer to live with the hope represented in moving forward rather than being caught in a cycle.

It may seem like a silly thing to dedicate time and thought to, but I think it's an intriquing point to consider how the language we use defines our perspective and opinions.

Wonderful World of Weddings

Lovely

I don't think I can put into words the lovely feeling that existed within me this week when a couple people mentioned my blog. Mentioned that they read it, and that they enjoy it, and that they look forward to reading it. Myself, I really enjoy writing it; but I find that every now and then it does a number on my self esteem. I have to remind myself every now and again that I write these thoughts to write them, not to have them read. It's like that line in Sydney White; "...it's not about being read, it's about being written!"

It really is my intention to write more often, and I hope to begin writing on a regular basis very soon. There are however a few hurdles that must be overcome. I am simply not taking very many pictures right now. My hands are often quite busy wrangling in three little people and there just isn't room for the camera. This causes me all kinds of distress, being the chronological scrapbooker that I am, and also makes it hard to write posts as I really don't want this to become a words only blog.

Then there's the exhaustion, our life is moving forward at such a crazy hurtling speed. I seriously cannot comprehend that Katy will be one year old in one month! Our days are constant as well as our evenings and our weekends are already booking up into the New Year. I'm not complaining as I'm one who truly loves busy-ness, but it doesn't leave much time for the quieter, stiller tasks in life.

And then the puking, and the naesousness. Oh my the naesousness. (I don't even think I'm spelling that right.) When my insides are spinning, it's a bit tough to focus on a computer screen without having to run to the bathroom. I'm hoping it will dissipate in the next few weeks as I enter the bliss that is the second trimester, but if there's one thing pregnancy has taught me it's that it is unpredictable. I'm not sure what, or how, but I do know that since our family will be complete in May I want to make an effort to document this final journey of new life in our family.

I do have great intentions. And hopefully those will fall into action in the next few weeks as I strive to be more disciplined in how I spend my time and what I make my priorities. Thanks for your patience while I work through the hurdles.

And thanks to everyone who stops by, and who likes to read! It was really lovely to hear from you.