Worry-some?!?

On Thursday I go for the fourth ultrasound connected with my third pregnancy. I went at 12 weeks which I had not done with the girls in order to pin down the actual gestation of our little one. It amazed me how much the babe already looked like a person at that point, I think I expected a little more tadpole.

I then booked and marked on my calendar the glorious 18-20 week ultrasound. The one that most people videotape, or at least add to their wallet the picture to show everyone. I had the most wonderful technician at that appointment. She was chatty and informed and really on the pulse of new technologies. She had been doing ultrasounds for the last 20 years and we talked about how times had changed. It was a good thing as I was there for an hour and a half. The little one had the hiccups and decided that my spine was the most fascinating thing since sliced bread, (wait, since before sliced bread seeing as they don't know what sliced bread is.....). As soon as she saw it was going to be a bit on the difficult side to get the measurements she turned the screen so I could watch the whole thing! It was a real pleasure and the most any tech has ever talked to me so I will count it as a highlight in this pregnancy.

Unfortunately the little one would not flip over, or even half roll. She called in another tech. They had me wiggle, they had me pee, they had me roll up on either side. Nada. This little one played so camera shy I had to come back so they could get a good profile shot and a clear look at baby's heart.

Come back I did a week later. Profile shot, snap! But the heart, still not a good look. This tech however was not my favorite person. She used that little "wand" like some sort of lever to try and turn the baby over. I've never had anyone jam anything that hard in above my hip bone and down into my back trying to turn over another person inside. I nearly cried out of sheer pain, and I've delivered drug free--twice! She got some shots and then told me she wasn't sure the radiologist would be happy with them, I might be getting a call to come back. And I did.

So back I go on Thursday and I'm doing my best to just believe there are limits to ultrasound technology and they really can't see everything with their x-ray vision, end of story.

The first tech and I had a lengthy discussion about how much worry is caused while the baby is still inside due to the complicated and arduous scans us moms now go through. She was telling me that when they started they did pre-natal ultrasounds back to back to back. Now she does one in the morning, one in the afternoon max. I had to watch her literally massage her hand out of the grip she had on the "wand" when we finished. I can see it's taxing work.

And even though I'm a level headed person and quite laid back there's a huge part of me that believes there must be something wrong with this little one's heart and that is what they can't see clearly, exactly what is wrong and how wrong is it?

Ofcourse there could be nothing wrong at all, but for now it's unknown to me.

Like High School

This weekend Nick went away for one night with the youth group to a mud volleyball tournament. The girls and I were going to go with him, but upon learning it was a tent and outhouse situation-I declined. Isabella has become quite particular about her potty using, and I did not want to spend a day covered in mud and pee.

While Nick was gone I decided to crack open a book I ordered just a bit ago, (no, not yet Harry Potter, it's day is coming though!). I had read a great review on a blog I respect about the book Momfidence . My book arrived a few weeks ago and I had yet to give myself permission to start reading it, just in case what happened, well, happened.

I think it was probably highschool the last time I got engrossed in a book and lazed around all day neglecting all other things just to finish it. Then I would ofcourse shower and look for something great to do. I feared the same would happen if I started reading Momfidence, at it did. Sorta.

Have you ever noticed how doing things "like I did in highschool/college" is not really a true statement once you become a mom? Events now are a version of their highschool selves, just as we are.

I put Brooklyn down for her afternoon nap and gave Isabella some snacks and a blanket to go along with her fifty billionth viewing of "Credinables" and began to read. I only meant to read for half of Brooklyn's nap, (1.5 hours), and then get up and do wifely and motherly things. I just could not put the book down. My kids got fed ofcourse, (Wagon Wheels is a vegetable right?) and when Nick walked through the door exhausted from his physical exhertions he noted the book in my hand and walked back out the door to KFC.

Everyone survived the day I was mostly AWOL while reading a book purely for my enjoyment and personal growth. Which is good to know, because now I have to read it again. Slowly this time. To make up for it, we went to the park today and they had a blast.

Scrappin Accomplishments

This is a remix of the Scrapbook I did of Isabella's first year. It has nothing on Amanda's amazing video of Avelyn's First Year , but I'm more of a scissors and tape girl. The technologically advanced stuff doesn't sink in all that well!

Finishing the project felt sooooo good. It had been a while since I was in the regular groove of scrapping so it's really a bunch of different pages as I tried out different products and techniques. There are a few pages I might go back and re-do but not until I've caught up.

Seeing the book fully done now sitting on my coffee table waiting for people to leaf through I realized that I would actually like making other people's scrap books. It does take a lot of time to get all the cutting, matting and embellishing done. I think it would be a great project to do for another person, leaving spaces for them to do their journalling! It's so nice to not have to look back on my computer to remember her first year. It's definitely reignited my passion for getting my children's scrapbooks done before they move out of the house.

It also made me super excited about a new Creative Memories program called the Premiere 12 Club. I think some people did this type of group with Stampin Up. There are 12 members and each person gets a month to be the "hostess" earning all the free stuff. I think it would be super fun to do online, in cyberspace, in blogland. To have a "virtual" group of friends holding each other accountable to getting their scrapbook projects completed through fun challenges, product rants and raves, project showcases. The small print would read: $35 per month for 12 months. I'd really love to start one up if there's interest. Just leave me a comment here. (Even if you're just a reader and not a commenter!)

Well, I'm off to sort through my photo folders, I'm still 18 months behind on Isabella's life, not to mention my own book, and Brooklyn's.......let the scrap fest continue!

Just One

Last night we went to our friend's wedding and it was super great. We followed the directions to the ceremony, even though we were late and there was a shorter route, (we just didn't realize it until we were halfway there). We actually walked in after the bride. I've been known to be late for weddings habitually, but usually we walk in just before the bride. We're the couple that gives the Groom a heart attack cuz they open the door ever so slightly and he thinks his bride is coming, but no it's the "Fashionably LateFranks" showing up. This is the only picture we have of ourselves. I might be able to snag a few from friends though, (yay facebook!).

The ceremony was Anglican and so pretty formal and all. The reception was fabulous. I really love going to weddings where I know way more people than just the bride and groom, although I will seriously accept an invitation to any wedding.

I could tell you a million reasons why the wedding was so great, but it would be full of all kinds of inside jokes that no one would get because I don't think anyone in G-town actually reads this blog. I'll spare you and instead share the startling realization of the night.

We have one more couple that we are waiting to marry off in our friend circle. After that we become the 'friends of the parents'. We have to wait a good 20 years to start marrying off our daugthers and attend the weddings of friend's children. I sure hope I get to be one of the cool 'friends of the parents' the ones that get invited to the reception. I am going to be in serious withdrawal by then!

These retina burning babes are only going to get hotter in the next 20 years, bring on the ABBA!

(Photo of me and Brooklyn's future Mother In Law, Angela)

Druthers

Today I did my first assignment for my new job. I think I'm going to be learning something new everyday. My old typing job was quite boring. There's just not that much happening in the land of personal insurance claims. Some of the stories were out there, but the majority were just boring. Gone are those days. My first assignment was a conference call between Korn and about 15 interviewers. They talked about Korn's new album and the Family Values tour. It's all stuff that will be written in different publications and it was so neat. Perhaps if I work really hard there will be a divine blessing sent from above the next time Sarah releases an album. My fingers are already crossed.

The new thing I learned today is that 'druthers' is an actual word. You can find it at dictionary.com. It means to have a choice or preference. I had no idea. I thought it was just some lady's slang. Neat-O.

I am really looking forward to this weekend because our friends Derek and Kelly are getting hitched. It's going to be a great wedding. I bought a new dress, a new bra even! We rented a car for the day and I'm getting my hair and make-up professionally done. Nick got a new outfit in a brand new color.

(Is anyone else's husband stuck in the same color all the time!
Honey let's go buy a new shirt.
Sounds good darling, I sure do need a new blue shirt.
A new blue shirt but you have a blue golf shirt, and a blue dress shirt. Well several in fact in different shades.
And then you come home with a blue dress shirt somehow.....)

It's this cool green color and he looks hawt. It will be a ravishing night, because I had my druthers and I ran with them.

Brooklyn

Just in case you're checking in about Brooklyn's appointment with the pediatrician, we had to postpone it. Nick also had an appointment in the morning and I have an ultrasound in the afternoon. Three different appointments in three different cities. It was just going to be too rushed and seeing as I'm not all that concerned about Brooklyn we bumped her appointment to next week. She continues to be a typical nine month old babe, loving carrots one day and hating them the next! She's definitely cruising around and loving life. A ball of energy that one. You can check out some more stories about her on the kids blog if you'd like.

Whirlwind

We made it through VBS week here without too many scars. Nick was up early each day going from site to site stressing about children dying from heat stroke. On Monday I do believe it got to 48 degrees. That is so hot, especially for little children. It seems as though everyone had taken the proper precautions and I learned on Wednesday night that there always seems to be a heatwave when VBS starts here. Just goes to prove that God is doing good things I'd say! On Wednesday night we had a celebration night where the kids got to show off some of the songs they'd been learning and their parents could meet their leaders. We had sundaes and Nick and his cohort Ann had booked a puppeteer to be the evening's entertainment. Usually the kids run the whole show, but due to other church events it had to be midweek and the kids didn't have as much time to learn a whole night's worth of stuff. The puppeteer was not so good. One guy described her most adequately as 'Mrs. Doubtfire'. She wore that kind of dress, had no idea how to handle a room full of kids and did what must have been her original program-straight out of 1982!! They were able to cut the night a bit short which all the parents were thankful for, and it seems to have been the only snag in a wonderful week!

Brooklyn went for her 9 month check up this week and she's dipped again in the weight percentiles. She's back down below the 5th percentile and my doctor admitted to being a little dumbfounded. (Not those words, but that's the idea). At first we saw his resident but upon her accouncing that my little cherub was only 5.6kg I knew something wasn't going the way it should and so we waited to talk to the doc. He said that if he wasn't looking at the numbers he would have no reason to assume there was anything going wrong. She's happy, she's mentally and physically exactly where she should be. She's even up around the 25th percentile in height, she's just not gaining weight. So, just to make sure all is good we're going to see a pediactrician next week. Just to get a more thurough look; to ensure there's nothing medically wrong that is keeping her from gaining weight. He asked me to make her formula thicker than we had been and to try some foods with a higher fat content. I tried yesterday with the thicker formula, but then she wasn't eating as much food and today all she ate was formula. So we're going to unthicken it because it's that time where finger foods and moving on from chugging to chewing are important. If the pediatrician gives us the thumbs up, we'll just go back to adding foods the way we did with Belle and accept that we have a very small daughter. Which is nice because her future husband is growing splendidly and I think it's cute to have a bigger man and a smaller woman!

I also got the transcription job I applied for! Sweet. It's a bit of a different format hours wise than my old job, but I am now definitely getting paid for my time and wont be doing 'free work' so to speak. I think it's going to be quite easy on the whole. There are busier times and slower times so I'm sure there will be days of high stress and days of boredom- but that's what work is and I'm so excited to have it!

What's the secret password?

I have a lot of different online "accounts" for a lot of different types of web sites. I try to make them very similar so that I don't forget them, but some sites ask for a certain amount of letters or a certain letter/number combination. I have my regulars, but every now and then I stray in order to meet the guidelines, or because I've watched too many episodes of 20/20 on identity theft and I therefore swing to the other side of the pendulum. Ofcourse none of these passwords are written down. How can my secret security clearance password be 'for my eyes only' if I've written it down somewhere? In the last few days I've tried to log into a few of said "accounts" to try and do different things; check the balance on my student loan, upload a new picture to be left with my blog comments, the really important things of life. Sadly I've forgotten the password.

I'm not sure if it's pregnancy brain or just because I set them up one day thinking I'd never use them again, or if my sleep last night was so restless because random bits of information were being sucked from my brain in order to help other life forms overtake the earth. That's a question we'll leave up to the experts.


Usually I'll just create another account when I can't remember. I'm one of those people with four logins for sites like Baby Fit and iVillage. A few of the accounts are for financial purposes though and those ones I need to actually prove my identity in order to attain access. I called up the NSLC yesterday to have my password reset. They gave me my username and it was clear that I must have created the account while in the throes of labor because seriously it was completely irrelevant to anything in my life ever. Feeling rather sheepish for having to even call someone to let me reset my password I chose to look at my security questions to get my old password instead of just resetting a new one. Could the questions be any more ambiguous? 'An important date.', 'An important person in your life. Hint: It's a family member.', 'What was your favorite subject the third and sixth weeks of grade four?'.

Oh my word. I'm going to have to hang my head and call back tomorrow to reset my password entirely. Perhaps this time I'll write it down.

Except I do have some nosy neighbors and every now and then I forget to lock the front door.

What if they discover that I know the secrets to life's burning questions- and I keep them hidden in a password only accessible web site?

Hmmm, maybe they know the answers to my security questions.......

We had a wonderful weekend, but like so many wonderful weekends I have no pictures to show of it! Nick went away with some guys for a golf/bachelor party shindig and us girls stayed at home. We did dinner with my aunt and her fam on Friday night during which we ate the most delicious shiskabobs ever! On Saturday we got up nice and early to go garage saleing, (which was really just code for a long walk). We met up with Ange and the twins and her parents. We only actually hit two garage sales but it was a nice walk. By the time we were done at about 11:00am it was too hot to function. We're gearing up for a week of really hot temperatures here so there wont be any outdoor fun after the early morning. We went back to Ange's parents house and the kids played in a little pool. One of the blow up baby ones. We had all four kids in there and it was quite the party. They were all super adorable splashing about and getting surprised when the water hit their faces. Uber cute. We hadn't brought any swim suits along so it was an all naturel pool party. I think the babes had fun and I know Isabella did, (cuz she told me a zillion times). Then we came home and tidied up a bit and made super and cupcakes to welcome Nick home. Isabella was a super mixer, I think she swirled the spoon around twice in the batter before she tried to lick it, and then stick it back in, and lick it again. I rented "Music with Lyrics" off of PPV and watched it twice while scrapbooking. I'm 6, yes count them 6, pages away from finishing my current album of Isabella. Prepare to be amazed, it's coming for your viewing pleasure.

Half

I am halfway through my current pregnancy, and I have yet to fully adjust to the idea that I'm actually having another baby. I went in for an ultrasound this week and got to see the little one squirming around in there. The poor babe had the hiccups and it was so crazy to see their little body completely convulse with a hiccup. The little one wasn't being so cooperative so I have to go back next week for them to finish up their measurements. The heart was beating at 143 bpms and according to the measurements they were able to get I'm anywhere from 17-21 weeks along. Nothing like technology to make things completely clear, eh?! We're going to go with me being 19 weeks 3 days today to base when I get induced, (let's just face it as reality). With all those numbers rolling around you may be thinking, 'so when are you actually due?'. You can sort through it all and figure out a date, but really folks just let it be ambiguous. This baby will be here in December, before Christmas, and that's all the info my body and this baby are going to confirm.

I feel incredibly huge already, but according to my scale I've only put on a couple pounds. All my clothes are tight and I'm not as agile as I am without a belly. It's crazy how much the body can move itself around during pregnancy. I've heard over and over that the third is the worst, and I think I will most likely be jumping on that band wagon.

I don't think Isabella has clued in yet to the fact that I'm pregnant. I think she just thinks I'm squishy. Soon enough she'll clue in. I know Brooklyn doesn't have a clue. It's nuts to think that in four and a half months there's going to be another little person in our lives.

Climbing the Ladder

So a while ago I let everyone in on the inner debate/conversation that is running through my head as I work on becoming a content SAHM. Before I found out I was pregnant with Baby #3 we had a plan in motion for us to continue taking baby steps from where we are in life to where we want to be. I find that there is tension in our home and I would be lying if I said it had nothing to do with where we fall in the class/economic system of Canada. However, the tension doesn't come because we feel we're poor or that we live without so many worldly things. The tension comes because both of us are result oriented people with goals in mind. The tension is created when we aren't moving at the pace we want to be towards those goals.

In an effort to continue moving ourselves towards where we want to be our plan had been for me to return to work. Part time nights stocking in one of the 7,(yes our small town has 7), local grocery stores. I would work three nights a week, all of those nights preceeding days that Nick has off so that our children would be taken care of and we wouldn't have to find childcare. I was actually looking forward to returning to work. Not somuch the 'nights' part, but returning to work did excite me. I like knowing that I would be contributing to us getting where we want to be.

Then I found out I was pregnant and with pregnancy came the exhaustion. I've been tired before; but nothing compares with how tiring pregnancy is. I didn't see any way that I could work nights for the next 6 months. It just wasn't a possibility anymore. Then we started considering my working during the day, which also is not a possibility for a lot of reasons.

Around the time that Nick and I were searching for a solution I met a lady who challenged me. She asked me if I had to work. Could we still pay our bills if I didn't work? Could we still put food on the table and keep a roof over our heads? She challenged me that if we could perhaps it wasn't right for me to work. At that time, (and still), Nick was struggling with being over stretched between all of his work responsibilities. This lady challenged me that perhaps now was the time for me to take being at home seriously, as my job, to see myself as a 'career mom'. We had a great conversation that day and at the end she said to talk it over with Nick and ask him to tell me what he felt as the leader of our family.

I left it with Nick and he began to pray and seek out God on the issues at hand. I tried to get sold out to being at home, and you all know how that's going! At this point in time I don't know if God wants me to work or to be a 'career mom'. I've had several conversations with a good friend of mine who has added another perspective to the debate/conversation.

When it comes down to it for me it's a trust issue. Am I trusting God in my actions to take care of my family? It's not an easy question to answer because it depends on your definition of trust. Some would say that trusting God in this circumstance would be to be a good steward of our income and trust God to provide all we need. Trust would be waiting for those mysterious anonymous cheques in the mail to help us get ahead. Some would say that trust in this circumstance would have nothing to do with money right now but with trusting God to provide energy to do what we need to do.

So it comes down to "let go and let God" or taking action as the choice.

With all that being said another part in the conversation is what would make me happy? As I related before I really like the benefits of working. I really like moving forward in life, no matter how small the steps are.

I checked out Monster.ca today just on a whim to see if there were even any work-from-home jobs listed. (oh my goodness the jobs if you're willing to invest and possibly be taken by a scammer!). I found one good job. A job I would actually love to do. I applied for it. It was posted on June 26th so I'm not sure if I'll get it, but it was for multiple positions.

I really want this to pan out! Even though I know it will then bring on the inner debate/conversation about work/family balance. It's really something I want and because of how I'm wired I know that finding an at home job will make me a better mother, a better wife, a better friend.

Hopefully I'll have the patience to find the perfect fit, and not just jump on the first opportunity.